David —
The Burden of Guilt
Dear Lord,
It takes so much longer to write a book than I had expected it would! I thought the book would just write itself, once I got it started. It is just a bit discouraging to learn that prayer does not press the typewriter keys, but fingers do! What a discipline for me You had hidden away in the whole matter of this book.
Here I sit! My typewriter is turned on and I am not! This morning fresh ideas were bursting the seams of my just-awakened mind. Now after a day of routine activity — the ideas are gone. I can remember only little wisps of phrases that glow like tinsel fragments in the carpet, reminding me that Christmas has been here. Could it be, theoretically speaking, that I am reluctant to write about guilt? It makes me uncomfortable, and I doubt that anyone wants to read about it. Sin — now that's different! That's popular reading.
However, Lord, I know that guilt sits there like a packed but locked suitcase. You can't get to the clothes without unlocking the case, and you can't unlock the case without the key. Too many Christians are running around in rags, with their robes of righteousness locked up tight. Give me the words to give them the key, Lord, as You have given that key to me.
I pray in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ!
Amen.
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During a speaking engagement at Pepperdine College, I spent several days in Malibu. One particular evening in the rosy graying of sundown, I sat at a restaurant window relishing the breathtaking view of sand and water below me. I noticed a young man and his dog jogging past, then later back again.
The large brown dog was suddenly joined by a small gray terrier, who had to jog at double time to keep the pace. The two dogs added several flourishing detours to the course, with much yelping and quick deep turnings in the sand. The human-type jogger belonging to the big dog had a much less eventful time as he kept to his course.
Somewhere out of my line of vision, someone whistled, and the gray terrier took off in immediate answer to the call. The brown dog watched for a second and then streaked after his canine companion. The young man whistled and clapped for the dog, but got no response. The two dogs were out of sight, while the jogger stood, arms akimbo, calling out to his pet.
I smiled a bit at the gleefully disobedient dog. What fun he was having! There was nothing at stake but a few delicious moments of freedom and a slightly exasperated jogging companion. I felt like congratulating the dog, who had pulled off a neat extension of freedom.
Later, I heard the sound of muffled barking. I looked out and again saw the large brown dog. He had obviously decided to return to his master, but the situation had changed. To my amazement, I saw that the tide had come in quickly, trapping the dog on what had once been a sandy runway. It had happened so quickly!
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The dog tried to wade across, but the water was too deep. Now he stood mournfully barking to his master, who must have jogged on up the beach. The dog made a determined entrance into the shallowest part of the water, pressing against the water's strong current. His whole body was struggling to find a clear path.
Then I saw the dog's master come around the building. He waded into the water, scooped the still-paddling dog in his arms, and dropped him safely on the other side. The dog shook himself vigorously while his master delivered what must have been a stern lecture. Then the dog lay down meekly, head between his paws, the perfect picture of abject apology.
The master and dog turned and started off again, very much together, and jogged out of sight. The dog was so close to his master's heels I wondered why he was not kicked in the face. That was fellowship restored!
You may not like an analogy that brings you into the picture as a dog, but sooner or later the Christian will find himself leaving frantic footprints where sin has separated him from fellowship with his Master.
That dog was his master's dog on either side of the water, but in his act of disobedience, he had lost the joy of fellowship. I cannot tell you the number of times my own paw prints have left that dismal pattern. I could see the separating water and could feel the guilt of my disobedience, and I was miserable!
Guilt cuts across our path so quickly! It's like excess poundage. As any woman knows, all the medical authorities are wrong about weight. One month I was thin, the next month I was healthy, the next week I
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was plump, and the very next day I was fat!
While we were filming The Hiding Place, I wore a double layer of padding under my clothing to give the appearance of weight. We had been shooting in Holland for several weeks when we got to one scene in which I was to do some running up and down stairs. (I asked Corrie if she were the only one in her family who ever ran, because there were five running scenes, and I was always the runner!)
They were setting the lights before the actual filming, and the director was concerned that I might wear myself out on the rehearsals. He came to me and suggested that while we were rehearsing I take off the padding. I didn't have it on! That's when I learned that more things are wrought by Dutch pastry than this world ever dreams of!
That's the way sin happens. It starts simply, collects quickly, and settle heavily. Under its weight I felt guilty because I was guilty. I tried to deal with my guilt feelings through all sorts of procedures. I recited all the soothing excuses: "After all, it's only human nature. God understands. I just can't help it."
Strangely enough those excuses were all true, but they didn't help because truth is not necessarily excusable. But God had a plan, a principle, and a purpose for me.
When God reveals our guilt to us, He always purposes more joy in the repairing than misery in the revealing. The Holy Spirit convicts us of guilt so that we might repair the wrong, claim forgiveness, and get back to the joy of running. If God is getting to you about that matter of guilt, you can be sure He has a
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purpose for you that is stymied by that guilt. To help you get up and going again, here is the example of David, whose feet of clay stumbled over guilt and brought him to his knees in repentance.
David's Guilt
David was the grandest king Israel had ever known and would ever know until the true King of Kings. Shepherd, poet, general, king; he served well in all roles. Graced with opportunities and capacities few men have ever known, his reign in Israel marks the pinnacle of her history.
Yet this man, a man after God's own heart, stumbled in his running and fell under the load of guilt. Common ordinary guilt, too — not even some unique sin of purple velvet, fit only for kings.
We are told that "... at the time when kings go forth to battle..." (2 Samuel 11:1) David didn't. The idle king rose from his couch one afternoon and, strolling around his rooftop, spied a beautiful woman taking a bath. Some things were different in David's day and some things weren't.
I'll admit I'm not used to women whose bathtubs are in public view, but then I don't know a lot of kings who go for walks on their rooftops, either. To my way of thinking, one or both of them had to go a little out of the way to get into trouble!
However, David saw Bathsheba and was affected by her sensual beauty. He inquired after her, sent for her, claimed her acquiescence as a king, and claimed her body as a man. She went home and in a reasonable length of time sent him a message that said she was
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pregnant. As I said, some things were different in David's day and some things weren't!
Bathsheba's husband, Uriah, had been out of town on business. He was battling the Ammonites in the skirmishes David had chosen not to attend. Trying to cover up his sin of adultery, David had Uriah brought back home for a timely visit. What a simple plan. No harm done! The child would be considered Uriah's, Uriah would go back to the business of soldiering, Bathsheba would resume her open-air bathing, David would continue his rooftop walking, and they would all live happily ever after.
Uriah, however, had not read the script, and as a loyal soldier on call for battle, spent his nights of rest and recreation on the king's doorstep instead of in Bathsheba's bed. David wined and dined Uriah, gave him presents and comradely fellowship, but still Uriah behaved with inconvenient honor.
And Uriah said unto David, The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide in tents; and my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open fields; shall I then go into mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife? as thou livest, and as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing.
2 Samuel 11:11
David sent Uriah back to the battle and arranged to have him slain in the normal process of fighting.
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And when the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband. And when the mourning was past, David sent and fetched her to his house, and she became his wife, and bare him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.
2 Samuel 11:26, 27
The Lord then sent Nathan the prophet to face David with the fact that the little secret was not a secret.
Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the Lord, to do evil in his sight?...
2 Samuel 12:9
David acknowledged the dreadful fact that he knew that God knew what David had done. The romanticists have glamorized it, the modernists have honored it, the humanists have accepted it, society has forgotten it but God has despised it! David, the king of Israel whose life had been a marching psalm to the honor of God, had sinned!
Now I know that our placidly permissive society has dismissed all the archaic rules of conduct. Everybody sleeps with everybody else, and who cares? I am not a moralist and have never had any appetite for reforming society, but I do know that our new morality has a few intriguing flaws.
If no one cares about promiscuity, why do the gossip
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tabloids trade in it? If the old-fashioned foundations of marriage and family have been dismissed, why are we still confronted by the same old troublesome effects of extra-marital guilt? I also know that love without commitment is not love and that commitment without honor is not commitment. I am told we will soon move freely out of the shadow of the cleave-only-unto-each-other myth, but what I see is restlessness and discontent in this sexual freedom.
David stumbled over a rougher stone than customized morality. David learned that God has not adopted the house rules of the neighborhood! Why should David's sin be treated with such dazzling misery when surely everybody else was doing what David did? I am sure he sat with his face in his hands, muttering, "Why me? Everybody else gets away with it, why can't I?"
He couldn't because his sin carried the weight of his position in the plan of God. He was a representative of God Almighty to a people who looked to him for authority. Christians, pray for those who are in high places! Anytime you read of a popular figure who has accepted Christ, pray for him.
Of those who judged David in his sin, I wonder how many prayed for him in his prominence? Privilege always carries responsibility and we are all privileged. David was confronted not only by his guilt, but by its prismatic reflections in consequence.
Nathan the prophet spelled it out for him: "... the sword shall never depart from thine house..." (2 Samuel 12:10). ".. the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die" (2 Samuel 12:14).
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Horrible! Is there any hope for David at all? Has David known his guilt and its results, only to spend eternity in their misery? No! God is not pleased to see His children wallowing in guilt! The gutter is not a suitable place for you or David or any other believer, no matter how dreadful the guilt.
