Change the
World!
"Over the river and through the wood, to Grandmother's house we go."
What do we find at Grandma's? Fresh baked cookies and cold milk? The Parcheesi game laid out on the table, with a bowl of popcorn nearby? Not any more. The traditional grandmother, with her inevitable apron and hand-crocheted antimacassars is a fictional character. And Grandpa, walking through the woods with his fishing pole and a grandson by his side? That's only on a Norman Rockwell collectible.
Today Grandmother may be clerking in a department store, working in an office, or writing a book, and be more familiar with microwave cooking than jelly making. Grandfather is working a nine-to-five and perfecting his golf game.
Most grandparents today fulfill untraditional roles. Some live far away from their children and grandchildren. Many are working and have little to do with their grandchildren, except brag about them.
Distance is only one barrier that separates grandparents and their grandchildren. One grandmother said, "I've raised my kids and done my job. Now it's their turn, and I'll live my own life. I'll see them if I'm needed or invited, but none of this free baby-sitting service for me!"
Cracks in the family structure, due to divorce, death, or disagreements, may place the three-generation relationship in jeopardy. Complex in-law, step-in-law, and multiple sets of grandparents further complicate the scene.
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What has happened to the present generation of grandparents? We seem to be set apart from our grandchildren. Can we establish those important bonds that provide the stability we need in our families today?
We have placed so much emphasis on things that we have tended to lose the importance of relationships. However, I believe it's never too late to change, and it's time we put grandparenting back on the priority list of important skills to be learned. Yes, learned. No one is born knowing how to be a grandparent. Suddenly we are thrust into that role, and what we do with it can be one of the most important contributions we make during the time the Lord gives us here on earth!
Grandparents can be a powerful force. In the United States, one third of the population is over forty-five years old. By 1985 the population in the grandparent age bracket will number over 71 million.
However, in all the reams that have been written on families, parenting, and marriage, grandparents are generally ignored. I'm here to shout, "Hey, we're important."
We grandparents have a lot to offer:
Experience (good and bad)
Tolerance (after all, we've had more bumps)
Wisdom (we've survived to the third generation)
Experience doesn't always lead to tolerance and wisdom, although it gives us a certain edge. The Bible says, "If any one supposes that he knows anything, he has not yet known as he ought to know" (I Corinthians 8:2 NAS). In other words, I don't think I have all the answers to the skills of grandparenting. However, at this writing I do have sixteen grandchildren and six great-grandchildren who have been the subjects of various grandparent experiments throughout the years.
I'll never forget when I looked at our first grandchild. It was as thrilling as opening night in Madison Square Garden.
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Mindy was just three weeks old when Roy and I went to Yreka to see her. When I held that precious child, a feeling of such overwhelming love came upon me, that I thought I would burst. Here was a part of me, an extension of my seed in another human being. I felt such a bond with her, almost a sacred glow. God had trusted my son and daughter-in-law with this gift, but Roy and I had a responsibility, too.
When we were told that Mindy was born without one hip socket, I disintegrated into tears. Instead of a pillar of strength, I became a bowl of Jell-O. Perhaps I felt, for a moment, that we had such a tragedy with our own little Robin that it was unfair for the next generation to be dealt with bitter blows. I remember that my mother walked over to me, took me by the shoulders, and shook me. She said, "Look, Tom and Barbara need you now. You can't lose control of yourself."
When I looked at my son and saw the stamina of faith in his face, I realized that this boy of mine received much of his strength from the Lord as a result of his grandmother, my mother. Could I do any less for his children?
Due to the faith and prayers of her parents, grandparents, and friends, and the skilled doctors at the Shrine Hospital, in San Francisco, within a year and a half, Mindy was walking. Today she is a missionary with Youth With a Mission, the wife of minister Jon Petersen, and working in the heart of Amsterdam, ministering to the needs of people in that city. When I visited her in their little apartment in the inner city and watched the way they were raising three beautiful children, I remembered my foolish tears when she was born.
We look at a child and want physical perfection. God gives us a child as a sacred trust.
Faith in God's ways is not a one-time experience. Faith wavers and fades, then grows and becomes strong. How could my faith have stumbled when I first knew of Mindy's hip handicap? My own first baby, precious little Robin, was a border-
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line mongoloid child. Yet, because of Robin's short two years on earth and as a result of a little book, Angel Unaware, which the Lord directed me to write, many parents of retarded children gained new strength and understanding.
Grandparents, we cannot spare our own children from heartache, nor can we deny them the pain of growing and the joy of searching.
As the grandchildren have arrived — and then the great-grandchildren — I have discovered that I truly love being Grandma. When our eldest daughter, Cheryl, declared, "Mom my children are not calling you Nana, Mama Dale, or Grandma Dale, they are going to call you Grandma," I was delighted! It is a privilege and an honor to be Grandma and Grandpa without all of the sophisticated trappings and cutesy names that are flung around. On the other hand, a businessman I know loved being called Pom-pom by his granddaughter, although his outward image is very proper.
My great-grandchildren call me Gigi, which is an abbreviation for great-grandmother (a mouthful for a little kisser). I look at them and inwardly pray, "Lord, please let them be free in You; help us grandparents do what we can with the years we have left to preserve freedom for them."
Being a grandparent gives a person a new outlook on life. The most dignified executive may find himself in the unlikely role of "playing horsey," on the floor, with a squealing grandchild riding the bucking bronc. The woman who had been complaining about minor aches and lack of energy finds herself spending hours walking through an amusement park or pushing a two-year-old on the swing in the park. Life has been renewed!
I realize that not everyone who has this new role thrust upon him or her feels ecstatic over the idea. Some new grandparents feel they have reached a crossroads and they have left behind:
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Youth — that elusive stage that America worships.Parental control — the kids are now the parents!
Freedom — new demands will be placed on their time and ability.
But there is joy in being a grandparent! And people who have joy in their lives can change the world around them. The other day I looked out my window and saw a wonderful sight. For some time I had watched this particular man, bent a little from years, his eyes cast down as he walked determinedly for his daily exercise. He never smiled, and the print of the morning headlines seemed to be on his expression. Then one day he went by again, but his entire countenance had changed. He was looking ahead, beaming with joy and pride, and pushing a small child in a stroller. Whether or not that child was his grandchild, I don't know. But there was an unmistakable joy on his face, which transferred itself to everyone who saw him. The Bible says: "... A joy from generation to generation" (Isaiah 60:15 NAS).
Once I studied Scripture references on that word. By the time I had counted two hundred Bible verses that referred to joy, I stopped, realizing that the Scriptures are filled with joy.
The smile of a child, giving joy to another, is something that can be transferred. Can you imagine what changes could be made in the world, simply by passing on joy?
D.J. is one of my challenges and joys. He is my son Dusty's and daughter-in-law Linda's little boy and has been tagged with those executive initials, which seem strangely appropriate for him. When he was only five, he had a certain authoritative air about him that made his preposterous stories seem believable.
One Monday morning, during kindergarten share time, D.J. was trying to think of something interesting to tell about his weekend. "We got three rabbits at our house," he said proudly.
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"Wonderful, D.J., what do they look like?"
"Oh, one is white all over, and another one is black all over, and another one is white with a black nose."
When he went home, D.J. told his mother the rabbit story. Linda said, firmly, "D.J. that's a lie. You don't have any rabbits. Now you go back to school and tell the truth."
The next day, D.J. said, "We only have two rabbits. Bo [the dog] killed one."
The next day when he went to school he said, "Well, Bo got the other two."
His way of getting rid of the lie was to tell two more. When I heard about it, I pulled him up on my lap and said, "You know, D.J., it's always best to tell the truth, because then you only have to tell a story once."
Whenever I catch myself exaggerating, I think of D.J. and his three rabbits. How many more stories would I need to tell to cover up?
D.J. is only one of the gifts I have. Perhaps one of the most difficult things for us grandparents to grasp is that our children and our grandchildren are gifts from God. We were instruments in forming the genes, but He gave them to us. The Psalmist says, "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; The fruit of the womb is a reward" (Psalms 127:3).
Hear me, grandparents: Cherish the times with your grandchildren or those children you have made your adopted grandchildren. Listen, children and grandchildren: Consider the golden times you have with the precious gift God has given you, in the form of your grandparents.
Sometimes we find it hard to remember, as we reach the age where we have accumulated some of the material treasures of life, that these are transitory, but lives and memories are permanent.
We have such a privilege in being able to share in the lives of our grandchildren. It's almost like having a second chance with
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another generation after we've made all our mistakes with their mothers and fathers. A friend of mine told me that she is a more loving disciplinarian with her grandchildren than she had been with her children. For one thing, she's not as exhausted as she was in the days when she was younger and involved in the thousand and one tasks every young mother has spread before her.
Grandparenting is a two-way street. While we have the opportunity to change the world around us, we also have the need to be allowed to touch the lives of others. We long to know that:
We are valuable to someone.We can be useful to someone.
We can retain dignity with aging.
In family-oriented cultures, where the oldest members stayed with the younger ones, sharing experiences, grandparents were not just tolerated, but loved and respected. For instance, the Japanese have a Respect for the Elderly Day, which is a national holiday. On a person's sixty-first birthday, there is a special occasion to honor elders and express affection for them.
That's really special. In the United States we have Mother's Day (to sell candy and flowers) and Father's Day (for the necktie industry); but Grandparent's Day, in September, on the first Sunday following Labor Day, is scarcely noticed.
Recently a lovely young woman said to me, "Is there something wrong with me because I can't wait to be a grandmother? I just love babies."
No, my friend, it's natural for a woman to look with joyful anticipation toward being a grandmother. This woman thought she was the oddball because so many of her friends dreaded the status of grandmother.
Our wonderful grandchildren and great-grandchildren are
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such special blessings. If I were widowed, it would be difficult for me to live alone in a place where children were not allowed. Much of the sunshine would go out of my life if our children couldn't bring their children to our home.
Roy says I've always been a crusader of some sort. Well, that's not exactly true. It's only been within recent years, as we've watched the erosion of family values and personal relationships eating at the heart of America, that I've become more vocal about such things. Now I really feel like picking up the banner again for the cause of the forgotten minority.
What can grandparents do? Grandparents can change the world, that's what! Now wait a minute. You might say, "Are you trying to tell me that grandparents can make a dent in this chaotic mess we call society?" Yes, we can. And in the process we will have more challenges and more rewards than in any role we've ever had to play!
My grandma likes to play with God,
They have a kind of game.
She plants the garden full of seeds,
He sends the sun and rain.
She likes to sit and talk with God
And knows he is right there.
She prays about the whole wide world,
Then leaves us in his care.
ANN JOHNSON
Age 8
