Be
Fun
"My grandpa plays dominos and checkers with me... mostly I win."
CARLI
Age 8
One of our grandchildren was spending the weekend with Roy and me, and I was clowning around with her in the kitchen. Suddenly she put her hands on her hips, cocked her head to one side, and stared at me. I knew one of those piercing statements that children are prone to make was forthcoming. She had not learned the art of tact, and frequently her remarks unveiled a trait or weakness in us adults that we'd rather not have exposed.
This time, however, her comments were welcome. She said, "Why, Grandma, you have fun. I thought grandmas were too old to have fun!"
Lord, help us grandparents to be young at heart with the young.
One tactic every experienced grandparent knows, if he wants to establish a warm bond with the grandchildren, is a simple one: Get rid of the parents.
I love my children and cherish the times we can be together, separately and as a family, but when we're all together, there's no opportunity for us, as grandparents, to share any of those special moments that build our relationships with the grandchildren. Somehow, we get into a massive competition for attention. Not only do the children compete, but the parents
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do, also. Sibling rivalry is not limited to brothers and sisters.
When children are small, some parents want them to be on their very best behavior before Grandma and Grandpa. (After all, our children need to prove what good parents they are). So what happens to the poor kids? "Give Grandma a kiss." "Don't touch Grandma's table." "Let Grandpa have that chair." "Eat the nice supper Grandma made for you." Good grief, if the grandchildren can get through all the warnings, admonitions, and orders and still love us, they deserve a gilt-edged gold ribbon.
Whether in your home of theirs, take the opportunity to be alone with your grandchildren. If possible, take them one at a time.
Sometimes We're Crazy
Without a little child to lead us, we could become the stereotype of stodgy, cranky old persons. Sometimes we do the most ridiculous things, because our grandchildren help us shed our years.
Before we moved to our new home on the edge of the Apple Valley golf course, we had a house on Highway 18, near a fairly steep hill. Our three youngest granddaughters were visiting us for the weekend and asked if I would climb the hill with them. "Please, Grandma, could we take our lunch and eat it high up?"
Well, at my age I began to hedge, but an inner voice said, It's never too late to enjoy grandchildren and to share this kind of experience.
I packed four lunches, and we started out to climb the mountain. It was a challenge. We'd climb a bit and then slip back; we had to serpentine most of the way, because it was quite steep. We reached the three-quarter mark, and Grandma had to give up. We sat down, first inspecting the area very
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carefully for rattlesnakes. Each of us took a perch on a big rock, thanked the Lord for His blessings, and ate lunch. The panoramic view of Apple Valley was beautiful, and the girls still talk about the wonderful time we had.
Not all experiences are so positive. One Saturday afternoon I took Dusty's three children, who were thirteen, eleven, and five, to the movies. Perhaps, in some recess of my subconscious, I thought I might revive those wonderful days when Saturday-afternoon movies were exciting escapes into wholesome adventure. From the time I slipped on the popcorn-covered floor, to the revulsion I felt over some of the violent scenes, the afternoon was a disaster. The movie was about a killer shark, and the gore was so graphic that I had to hide my eyes from some of the scenes. When the man disappeared into the jaws of the shark, I couldn't look. It actually made me nauseous.
However, I did learn something from that afternoon. Children are so used to seeing violence on television that when they go to the movies, they are conditioned to wanting more. No wonder children are so hyper.
I don't want to go back to the Dark Ages, but I don't think ours is a particularly enlightened age. We have gone a long way in technology, but these increased skills have outstripped our hearts.
Positive Alternatives
A friend of mine has initiated a Saturday afternoon at the movies at her house. She and her husband purchased a movie projector, and they rent full-length features or borrow them from the library. They are having a marvelous time with their grandchildren and the neighborhood children, not only with some of the old classics, but discovering adventure and motivational films, also.
Roy and I are beginning to build a library of video cassettes,
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so when the grandchildren come over we can show films of the family.
With so many movies being put onto video cassettes these days, with some discrimination over the choice, we could put Saturday-afternoon movie time back on the calendar — in the home.
Eyes in the Back of Your Head
When your grandchild is a toddler, having fun is just a watching game. This is the time when grandparents and little ones may have some difficulties. One of the things we need to realize is that we must childproof our homes at this stage. Of course, I believe in teaching a child not to touch, but if we are going to develop a nervous rash over valuable crystal within reach of tiny hands, then put the crystal away. Seems so simple, and yet I've watched grandmothers become absolute wrecks when little ones come to visit.
The first Thanksgiving in our new Apple Valley home could have been a disaster, but the Lord had His guardian angels around our grandkids. While the women were busy in the kitchen and the men were occupied with conversation, some of the children were playing hide and seek. Our house is fairly large, and there are a lot of nooks and crannies in which to conceal oneself.
Roy won't allow the children to chase up and down the stairs, so there were frequent shouts of, "You stop runnin' now." Finally everyone seemed to simmer down and relax. After a short time we started counting noses and discovered that a couple of the children were missing. We began to search in every room and closet; I went into the master bathroom, and there they were, two little monkeys curled up on the wooden slats, with the heavy glass doors closed on our recessed cubicle, which is called an environmental panel. One twist of a knob,
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and they might have been scalded. I hauled them out and said, none too gently, "You are never to come in here without my permission, do you understand?" They understood.
Let me explain an environmental panel. When our house was being designed, our son Dusty, who was the builder, suggested we build in this amazing "closet" to help our aches and pains and generally relax us. It can be programmed to simulate chinook winds, spring rain, sunshine, or steam. A computer regulates the length of time for these weather conditions. (I must admit I don't use it much myself, because of the rampage it creates with my hair).
Anyhow, the grandchildren can use it, but only with strict supervision. We also have a sunken tub in that bathroom, with a Jacuzzi in it. That's off limits, too, because of the wild splashing that goes on. I believe in allowing the children to have fun, but I don't think children should wreck Grandma and Grandpa's home.
Safety First, Not Last
One of the greatest dangers lurking in every house is the caustic household cleaner or chemical. Those drain cleaners, for instance, that contain lye, have caused more children's deaths than any other household product. Buy locks for cupboards or those easy-to-install latches that can be placed inside a cupboard door. An adult can open the door and undo the latch, but a child cannot.
It only takes a little time to put high bolts on the inside of doors leading to stairways or to outside doors.
Buy a car seat, and be sure your grandchild is secure in it; never leave him unattended in a bathtub or around a pool of water. I heard of one case where a three-year-old drowned in a fishpond while his grandmother was on the telephone.
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After you have taken the proper safety precautions, then you may have fun observing the wonderful world of toddler exploration. If his special world is (almost) accident proof and you have provided him with some toys to work off his excess energy, then you will have a marvelous time. And so will he.
If you are not physically or mentally able to cope with life in a monkey cage, have an older child come over and play with your little Tarzan or Jane, while you supervise from a chair. Martyr crowns do not fit a grandmother or grandfather's head.
Time to Be Messy
Close your eyes, Grandma and Grandpa, Tommy is two and a half and changing from toddler to little boy. He loves to play with sand, dirt, Play-Doh, and paints. If we fuss at the mess, we'll miss the fun!
Taking a grandchild out to a restaurant at this age is not my idea of fun. He's too big for a high chair, too small for good manners, and leaves a trail of crackers, spilled milk, and disaster in his wake. Your idea of a good time may be dinner out, but his idea is dinner all over everything.
What can we do with these children? First of all, we should gear the fun to their age and not try to push them forward into activities that are too long or too demanding. Get large sheets of paper (or use newspapers) and provide them with water-soluble paint and large paint brushes. Buy very large crayons that are easy to handle.
Did you ever try giving your small grandchildren a bucket of water and a large brush and allowing him to "paint" outside? That's an absorbing occupation — for a short time.
One grandmother told me about a children's soap that contains nontoxic colors and can be painted on the skin. The child has long bath sessions when he makes up like a clown and comes out squeaky clean. The mess is a blessing.
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A Time to Go Places
Hallelujah! They're toilet trained, can talk with reasonable intelligence, and eat in a more civilized manner! Before they begin school, our grandchildren are usually interested in doing things with us and going places. We are ready to plan little trips or special visits. Of course, we can't generalize about children, because they are unique individuals and do not comply to a pattern, but in general they enjoy going.
Preschoolers are wonderful at telling it as it is. Generally, they will express their thoughts and feelings very freely to us. When they get a little older, they will only tell their peers their innermost thoughts. So let's enjoy them in those few fleeting years when they are willing to jabber our ears off!
There are two things we should remember in the process of having fun with our preschool grandchildren. First, they have a very limited attention span. Imagine a scene like this: Grandma promised Kathy a trip to an amusement park. Both are ready to go when the phone rings. This is someone Grandma had been waiting to hear from, and the conversation takes a few minutes. To Kathy, it seems like an hour. At her age, patience is not a virtue; it's an unknown trait. So don't expect it. The second thing that will contribute to our fun process is planning. We should plan games, stories, physical activities. Let's be creative, grandparents, and discover the wonderful fun of childhood (even if some people call it our second childhood).
The Grand Embarrassment
Our grandson Robbie was a real caution as a youngster. We had a stone wall around our house on Highway 18, and he had been told not to walk on it. Defiantly, he was teetering on top when Roy told him to get down, in a tone that meant business.
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"I don't have to," replied Robbie.
Grandpa Roy marched over to our apple tree and broke off a small branch, stripping it down to make a switch. Robbie watched him with some degree of apprehension, but was saved by the phone ringing. Roy went to answer it, and when he returned, Robbie had broken the switch in five pieces. He didn't get away with this maneuver, however; he had to get down.
This same Robbie expressed himself on nationwide television, to the chagrin of mother, Linda, and the amusement of a few million viewers.
It was Jonathan Winters' big Christmas program on CBS, and the entire Rogers family made an appearance. We were all prepared for the final dress rehearsal that was performed before a live audience. The big part of the program featured Winters doing his famous Uncle Neddy Nordic skit. He was the star, and it was his funniest scene; at least, he thought it was to be his scene.
Just as Winters really got into his character, Robby spied a ball, ran for it, and walked in front of Winters, bouncing the ball through his entire monologue. We snapped our fingers at Robby, whispered to him, and tried everything to get him back into position. Winters was furious over being upstaged, but kept his cool and was magnificent in his controlled frustration.
When the rehearsal was over, the people producing the show came on stage and said, "That's the funniest scene we've ever seen — we're going to print the dress rehearsal."
Robbie was an instant star, in spite of the embarrassment of his family.
Today Robbie's energies in his parents' church, where his father is minister, are channeled toward a Christian music ministry. It all started with a bouncing ball.
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Songs and Words
One of the things I always loved to do with my grandchildren was to sing songs and repeat nursery rhymes I could remember! Beginning to read to them at this stage is marvelous, especially when you can cuddle up in a large chair and share some of the wonderful stories they love to hear repeated over and over. It's never too early to begin Bible stories and prayers.
The great preacher of the past century, Charles Spurgeon, wrote this:
When to Start
Ere a child has reached to seven
Teach him all the way to heaven;
Better still the world will thrive
If he learns before he's five.
Time to Be a Character
One grandmother I knew was not physically able to take her granddaughter shopping or do any vigorous activities, but she provided fun by just "being a character." She brought out her harmonica and played "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"; she regaled her granddaughter with stories of her own childhood. Many years later, that granddaughter told me she remembered how her grandmother would put her tongue through her false teeth and make them wiggle. Grandmother was fun because she deliberately put on a show of being a character.
Some of my grandchildren think of me as a character, and I don't mind in the least. In fact, I rather enjoy that reputation, because it indicates a certain bemused indulgence on their part. As they grow older, I would hope for our relationships to turn into friendships.
There are so many children in the world who lose out on
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fun. For the ones God gave to us, let's try to make the moments we have with them filled with as much joy as we are capable of giving.
A brilliant, talented blind pianist, Ken Medema, wrote a poignant song entitled, "Lover of the Children." It's just meant for all of us grandparents.
Walking in the sunshine — laughing in the rain
Lover of the children, make me young again.
Climbing in the treetops — running down the shore
Lover of the children, make me young once more.
Vigorous and daring — teachable and mild
Lover of the children, make me like a child.
Trusting in your goodness — walking where you lead,
Lover of the children, make me young, indeed.
Make me young enough to know that alone I cannot go
in the darkness of the night
Make me young enough to see that your love will never
Let me go.
Make me open to surprise, put wonder in my eyes.
Make my vision clear and bright.
Make me willing to be led — and to follow where you bid me go.
Fearing not tomorrow, trusting You today.
Lover of the children, make me young, I pray.
Amen and amen for us grandparents! I have recorded and used this song in many gospel concerts across the country. Unless we can remember and cherish the joys of our own childhood, it is almost impossible to understand our grandchildren.
