Build a Treasure House of
Memories
"Before he was handicapped, Grandpa used to take me to parks. Now he can't, so I visit him."
"What do you do for him?"
"I just kiss him."
JENNIFER
Age 10
When Jennifer was asked in her Sunday-school class what she liked to do with her grandma and grandpa, she made the beautiful comment above.
What do we want from our grandchildren? Just what Jennifer had to give: love.
Memories last long after the toys and trinkets are broken.
One of my fondest memories is of the mulberry tree in my Grandfather Wood's front yard in Uvalde, Texas. How I loved climbing that tree, reaching out to stuff a handful of warm mulberries into my purple-stained mouth. There were so many wonderful things to do at Grandfather Wood's.
In the backyard there was a creaking windmill, with a wire stretching from the top platform down to the garden gate. A hollowed-out metal pipe, about a foot long, was strung on the wire. I can remember filching a few cold biscuits from the kitchen and climbing to the high platform on the windmill. Then I would grab the pipe with one hand, and holding the cold biscuit in my other hand to grease the wire, I would slide down to the garden gate.
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I hit the ground running and stopped right in front of the gate. I can't remember how I got the metal pipe back to the top platform, but the procedure of sliding down is indelibly etched in my memory. My grandfather did not prohibit this enjoyment, and I loved him for it.
Grandfather Wood was tall, with an angular build, and could eat like a horse without putting on a pound. If any of us grandchildren were finicky in our appetites, he could challenge us to race and finish the food on our plates.
His bedroom was in the center of the rambling ranch-type home, with a huge fireplace dominating the room. He was a great one for fruit for health, and he kept a big barrel of fruit from the Rio Grande valley on a table in his room. Each night at bedtime all of us (grownups included), would be summoned to Granddaddy's bedroom for prayer and fruit. He was an avid Bible reader and based his life on the truths of God as contained in His Word.
Granddaddy was a Rotarian, and I can still remember the huge Christmas tree Rotarians decorated in the town square. There was a small gift for every child in town; the place was jumping with excited children.
When my teeth obviously needed braces, it was my grandfather who furnished the money for the orthodontist's work.
He was the most thoroughly honest man I have known. His word was strictly his bond; one never needed a written contract with my grandfather. He believed in selling off one's coat, if necessary, to pay one's debt.
Grandfather was very affectionate. I loved visiting him and considered it an extreme privilege to go to the "picture show" with him. My grandmother had died, and he missed her terribly. I'd watch him in the movies, and about halfway through, he would nod and drift off into sleep. It puzzled me. I would stroke his arm and ask, "Granddaddy, why do you
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go to the picture show and then go to sleep before it's over?"
"Honey," he'd explain, "since your grandmother went away, I get very lonely for romance, and the romance on the screen is all I have left. I guess that's the main reason I go to the picture show."
Of course, those were the days when romance was romance, and not pornography.
I'm sure Grandfather Wood gave me other presents, in addition to braces, but I can't remember them. What I do remember were the prayers before each meal, the strength of his character, and the things we did together.
Impressions when children are small may last all their lives. I was only seven years old when my grandmother Wood died, yet I can remember her sitting on the back porch in that little Texas town, churning butter, singing hymns, and reading her Baptist Standard.
When she was very ill in the hospital, I visited her and rubbed her arms to help her circulation. I said, "Mama Wood, do you hurt real bad?" She looked at me with such peace in her face and said, "It's all right, honey; the Lord's with me."
Today Will Be Tomorrow's Memories
In reading what wise King Solomon said in Ecclesiastes, I was impressed that he had tried every avenue of pleasure and found everything futile. He wrote:
For what does a man get for all his hard work? Generations come and go but it makes no difference. The sun rises and sets and hurries around to rise again. The wind blows south and north, here and there, twisting back and forth, getting nowhere. The rivers run into the sea but the sea is never full, and the water returns again to the rivers,
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and flows again to the sea...everything is unutterably weary and tiresome. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied; no matter how much we hear, we are not content.
Ecclesiastes 1:3-11
So many people live their lives as Solomon describes: with futility. As we grow older, if we feel that what we do or what we say makes no difference, then we are missing out on the true meaning of our existence. Solomon, after all his self-examination and pleasure-seeking ways, discovered how life could have real purpose. He said:
Here is my final conclusion: fear God and obey His commandments, for this is the entire duty of man. For God will judge us for everything we do, including every hidden thing, good or bad.Ecclesiastes 12:13, 14
What does this have to do with being a grandparent? Plenty. God gave us our children and our grandchildren as extensions of His love. He holds us responsible for how we treat those gifts. Solomon also says, "Give generously, for your gifts will return to you later" (Ecclesiastes 11:1).
When children miss the grandparent relationship, they miss one of the richest bonuses that life can offer. This goes for the grandparent, as well.
Never Too Old
A favorite grandmother memory was told by a man whose boyhood ambition was to be a pilot. He worked long, arduous hours, shoveling sand from filter beds at the local sanitary plant. It was an unsavory job, but he needed money for flying lessons.
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Each week he put aside his small salary and accumulated enough to pay for the hours of ground school and flying experience he needed. When he received the coveted private license, he wanted to take someone flying. His father shook his head, "Not with my high blood pressure." His mother became ill at the thought. However, his eighty-year-old grandmother, who had never been up in an airplane, said, "Why don't you ask me, Jimmy? I haven't had a good thrill for years." Grandma was the only one in the family who would share Jimmy's dream, and as he grew older he told and retold the story of Grandma Elsie, shouting against the engine's roar, "This is the most fun I've ever had; let's go again."
Never Too Busy
One of our granddaughters, who graduated from the Bible Institute of Los Angeles, demonstrated her need of this relationship, to the extreme joy of her grandfather, Roy Rogers. I asked her if she had any particular thing she wanted as a graduation gift, and she promised to think about it and let me know. A few days later, she called and asked for "Grandpa Roy," telling him she had just one fond wish for graduation.
She said shyly, "Grandpa Roy, I want you to take me hunting."
This was a complete surprise to us, because she had started out a music major, like her father, Tom, and changed in midstream to education. To my knowledge, she had never shown an interest in hunting, although she was quite active as a cheerleader in high school. (I'm not quite sure what that analogy means, except that they both take a certain amount of athletic ability).
Roy was visibly touched by her request and joyfully complied. First she broke a clay pigeon and was ecstatic over her aim. Later she got her pheasant. Roy donated one of his, and I
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told her how to cook them. A week or so later, she wrote a beautiful letter of thanks, asking if he would take her again sometime. Here is her letter:
Dear Grandpa Roy,I want to thank you so much for the "bestest" present I've ever gotten. Beside the excitement of learning to shoot a gun, watching the dogs work and later even cooking a pheasant, my most favorite part was being with you, just you without a crowd. I guess I enjoy being comfortable when you feel comfortable. I wish I would have caught on to the fact that you're a neat grandpa about twenty years ago, when I was hiding in closets from you! I couldn't think of adequate words to thank you so I drew this picture for you, because I want you to know there is something about a grandpa that no one else can copy. Spending time together with you meant more to me than any other present you could buy. I really felt loved...and love is the most precious gift I can think of to give anyone.
I love you, Grandpa.
JULIE
Later, Julie confided to me that what she wanted most of all was to really know Roy in a one-to-one relationship. Her maternal grandfather passed away when she was quite young, and even though she had two loving grandmothers, she had missed the grandfather relationship.
Things to do, places to go, these are not always our responsibility, grandparents. Let the children come up with their ideas. Give them the boundaries of your energy, your time, or your money, and allow them to be creative. You'll never know what fun it is to have a child lead you, until you're willing to follow!
