Create a
Tradition
"My grandmother reads to me all the time because she has lots of books that belonged to my dad."
CARRIE
Age 7
Tradition has a solid sound to it, but it can also carry the impression of being old fogyish or obsolete. I believe that certain traditions should be memory links to bind together the generations. The standard for a good tradition should be one that is fun and voluntary. Being forced into a traditional mold could be a divisive, rather than a cohesive tactic.
Holidays and special occasions are usually the events that make traditions. Thanksgiving Day is our one big family day. It's the only day we have any chance of getting the entire Rogers clan together. The house jumps with activity, and if I have a chance to sit down for fifteen minutes, I'm lucky. But I love it. My daughters and daughter-in-law help in the kitchen, and we all have a great time stumbling over each other and the children.
I do the big cooking on that day, and the girls contribute casseroles and desserts. We had forty-four at our last Thanksgiving dinner. Roy looked around at the crowd and said, "Ma, look what we started!"
Our Thanksgiving is traditional, with the children, grandchildren, and sometimes great-grandchildren coming to our house. Many families are not able to recreate that old custom. Houses are too small, grandparents live far away or would
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rather eat at a restaurant than make a three-day chaos in the kitchen. There are other ways to create memorable traditions.
One grandmother began a tradition at Christmas time, which had a lasting effect upon her grandchildren. She put special Christmas ornaments on the tree for the grandchildren, and they took them home to begin their own collection of ornaments. Another grandmother made each of her grandchildren an afghan.
Traditions are created by a consistent act, no matter how large or small it may be.
Traditions are wrapped up in visits. Either the grandchildren are visiting us, or we are visiting them. From talking to grandparents around the country, I believe many of us need to learn the art of visiting. If there is an art in conversation, an art in dressing, and an art in just about every other conceivable act, certainly there is an art in visiting. The proverb says:
By wisdom a house is built,
And by understanding it is established;
And by knowledge the rooms are filled
With all precious and pleasant riches.
Proverbs 24:3, 4 NAS
All Together Now
The big visit, when the family all gathers at one house for a major celebration, can be a mixed bag of joy and frustrations. The joy comes from the anticipation of seeing the children again or from watching the grandchildren in their new stages of growth. However, the frustration may arise when conversations are too brief, when precious moments are stolen by the sheer work of preparing and cleaning up after a big meal.
How can we make that all-important big occasion be one
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where the memories we build are woven into beautiful traditions?
When the crowd all tumbles into Grandma and Grandpa's house, it's time for some ground rules. Grandma would be smart to have precious vases and fragile plants put away for the day. Better yet, hurt feelings, martyr complexes, and impatient remarks should be stored. If we plan for confusion and exhaustion, we won't be surprised when we receive what we anticipated!
A child will never remember how tidy our houses looked, but he will always remember how neat his grandmas were.
Visiting the Kids
An Irish proverb says, "The eye should be blind in the house of another." That should be written for grandparents who visit their children and grandchildren. For a long-distance grandparent (one who is far enough away that he must stay overnight or longer) there should be some time to get ready for that visit.
Sometimes the family doesn't think it's important to prepare for one another because, "They're just family, not company." If more of us treated family like company and company like family, we would be known for warm, hospitable homes.
Grandparents, be considerate of the time you choose to visit. If you are coming in by plane, pick an hour when it is convenient to be met at the airport. Or if you can afford it, rent a car for your own transportation. Check with your own children about sleeping accommodations. Take a nearby hotel if you have to move grandchildren from their beds or make them double up.
One set of grandparents brought their motor home and parked it in the driveway. They could retreat to their own little
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domain, but be on hand for meals and fun times. In fact, in this instance, Grandfather arrived with tools and work clothes to help his son build an addition on his house.
One of the perils in visiting is upsetting the routine of the household. One mother said, "It took three weeks for us to get back to normal after my parents went home."
What happened to cause this mini trauma? A series of little things: Not knowing the rules of the house, failing to understand the importance of consistent discipline, and sugar were the most disruptive issues.
We could all learn from those remarks, grandparents. We should leave the discipline to the parents, but when we are left alone with the little sweethearts, know what their moms and dads expect of them — and us. If the children are supposed to go to bed at 7:30 and we let them stay up to 9:00 "just while we're here," we've placed some sand in the household gears.
What are the disciplinary methods used? If they are different from those we used, Grandma and Grandpa, then we should glue our lips and follow the lead of our children. They are the parents now; we had our chance on them, for better or for worse, and it's their turn to do the honors.
Did I say sugar? Please understand that I don't always follow these marvelous admonitions that I toss around with such pontifical ease. The sugar syndrome is one of them. However, I would just like to repeat some of the accusations I have heard from young parents. "When my folks are around, my kids get more sweets than I ever give them. It takes me weeks, sometimes, to get them away from teasing for cookies or candy."
When I was younger there wasn't the emphasis upon nutrition that we hear today. We grew up with the abundance of cakes and pies that represented hours of loving work. We bought penny candy out of the big jars in the store and stuffed our molars with gum drops and cavities. However, we also had
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fresh vegetables and tree-ripened fruit, which many in this era find difficult to buy. This generation of young people has become very conscious of some of the evils of sugar, yet we grandparents persist in the sweet syndrome.
One grandfather, visiting his children and grandchildren for a few weeks, loved to pick his grandson up from nursery school and walk home with him. Every day about 11:30 A.M. they had to pass the ice-cream store. "Just one little ice-cream cone won't hurt him," Grandpa said. It took a week before his mother discovered why little David wouldn't eat his lunch.
If there is anything we can do when visiting our grandchildren, it's to think before we speak. One grandmother said shortly after she arrived at her daughter's house, "Honey, I can't resist giving advice. Forget it and go do what you want." Whenever she slipped and handed out some suggestions, she managed to laugh at her relapse, and so did her daughter.
We may forget simple things when we visit. For instance, children are fascinated by grown-up talk and gossip. We should be careful what we say when they are around. One grandmother I know said that she could remember, as a child, lying on the floor, with her ear on a heating vent that went into the living room. She could hear what the adults were saying when they thought she was taking a nap.
Another question of the household, which may be taboo, is money. When grandparents come to visit, who pays for what — and how? One way to circumvent the grocery problem is just take the list and go shopping yourself. Or invite your grandchildren's parents out to dinner and offer to pay for the baby-sitter, too!
Grandparents still feel like parents to their children and should have the pleasure of giving them a surprise check. On the other hand, one married daughter told me, "I would never think of paying for groceries when we go to visit my parents. That would insult them."
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Off to Grandma's House
When the grandchildren visit, then grandparents' home rules apply. Some of my grandkids started jumping on our king-size bed, pretending it was a trampoline. I said, "Look here, this is not allowed in my house. Jumping on the bed is out, understand?" They understood. We have rules of the house, and when they come, they obey them.
Young people are very adaptable. We have a big living room, and when a bunch of the grandchildren arrive, they may spread all over the floor in sleeping bags. The important thing is, how flexible are we? Are we prepared for the fingerprints on the hall mirror, the crackers ground into the carpet, or jam on the living-room couch? Does the sight of clothes dropped in the bathroom or shoes lost under the kitchen table drive us up a wall? If we are extremely finicky about our home, then it might be better not to invite the grandchildren over or to change our ways.
Personally, I know heaven is going to be a wonderful place, immaculate and perfect in every way. If our houses get a little messy on earth, it's worth it.
Some ideas for grandmothers and grandfathers to consider if they are expecting a fun-filled time:
Find out the eating and sleeping schedules.Have a list of favorite foods.
Know the rules that you should enforce.
Be flexible, but make plans for activities.
Pass Them On
One young father recalled a family tradition that he intends to continue as soon as his children are old enough. Beginning December first, each day the family memorized a verse from
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the Christmas story in Luke. At supper time, they would recite the verse together. On Christmas morning, with the entire passage memorized, they repeated that beautiful story from memory, before opening presents.
So many traditions in families center around holidays, and also around food. Even if we're not fabulous cooks, I think it's a great idea to have a reputation for at least one outstanding dish and to serve that on special occasions. Writing down a recipe and giving it to a grandchild provides a lasting memory every time that little card is pulled out of the recipe box.
In our family, Christmas is a time when Roy and I believe the grown children should be starting traditions in their own homes. Since some of our family lives nearby, we have a Christmas celebration at our house early in the month, complete with dinner and gifts. Then on Christmas Day we go house hopping from one family to another. This gives the grandchildren an opportunity to have their worship and gift giving in their own homes.
Today we are experiencing a return to nostalgia. Homes are being decorated in the manner of years past. Styles are reflecting the old-fashioned look: prairie dresses, boots, pinched waists, and leg-of-mutton sleeves. It appears that we are trying to make a statement for the times. When life is so uncertain, morality on such a decline, why not try to hang on to some of the beautiful, stable elements of the past?
Traditions are:
Grace said at mealsRepetitious jokes, with predictable punch lines
Warm cornbread and fresh strawberry ice cream
A patchwork quilt passed from mother to daughter
Old tools, carefully mounted in a shadow box
Cranberry jelly, not from a can
Toys stored in the same corner of the closet
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Dolls wrapped in tissue, waiting for granddaughter's fourth birthday
Silly games known only to the players
Photo albums and yellowed newspaper clippings
The National Geographic piled in the corner of the attic
Traditions may be man-made or God inspired. The Bible says, "See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ" (Colossians 2:8 NIV).
When the lead character, Tevye, sang "Tradition" with such gusto in Fiddler on the Roof, he was echoing Old Testament principles. Traditions are based on the Bible, and God established the precedent.
Remember what happened to Joshua when he was leading the Israelites across the Jordan River? They were carrying the Ark of God and preparing for the last stage of the journey into the Promised Land. But the Jordan River was overflowing its banks, and none of the Jews had their Red Cross certificates.
God had promised Joshua that He would perform a great miracle. The first priest touched his dusty sandal to the water's edge; the river stopped flowing and piled up as though against an invisible wall. Just as their forefathers crossed the Red Sea forty years before, the Israelites walked across on dry ground.
God told Joshua to build two monuments of twelve stones each, one at the location of their campsite, the other in the middle of the Jordan River. Why? To establish a traditional memorial site.
Joshua told the people:
In the future,...when your children ask you why these stones are here and what they mean, you are to tell them that these stones are a reminder of this amazing mira-
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cle — that the nation of Israel crossed the Jordan River on dry ground!
Joshua 4:21, 22
Grandparents, God told us to start traditions. He said:
You must love him with all your heart, soul, and might. And you must think constantly about these commandments I am giving you today. You must teach them to your children and talk about them when you are at home or out for a walk; at bedtime and the first thing in the morning.Deuteronomy 6:5-7
One of our traditions is the family altar. We have this in our home — not as an outward symbol of piety, but as an inward need for His strength. As you walk in the front door at the home in Apple Valley, there is a stand with an old family Bible in the entryway. On the altar are two little lamps that one of my best friends gave me and a cross from Dusty's oldest daughter, Shawna. An incense burner reminds me of the Psalm: "May my prayer be counted as incense before Thee..." (Psalms 141:2 NAS).
In all honesty, I've not observed an obvious altar in the home of any of our children or grandchildren, but I was pleased to hear Todd Halberg, my granddaughter Candy's husband, say that he plans to build a basement study where he and Candy can retreat and have prayer and Bible study together.
We plan our estates to avoid heavy taxes; we make our wills to provide for our family survivors, knowing that dollars may be eroded by inflation or unwise investments.
Money can be spent, folks, but traditions are inherited.
