Introduction
There are many kinds of love songs and many different ways to sing them. This book concerns itself with the kind of love song that is lived out in a marital relationship. What does it mean to sing our love song? It is how we live our love toward our mate with concern for his or her well-being.
In 1988, Yale psychologist Robert Sternberg wrote The Triangle of Love, a book based upon his research on love. In the book he proposes that the three essential dimensions to a loving relationship are passion, intimacy, and commitment. I am indebted to Dr. Sternberg for this conclusion, and have sought to organize my Christian beliefs about marriage around these three dimensions.
Passion is the first love song to be discussed. Too often marriages die for lack of passion. One reason for this is the misguided belief that we should only act the way we feel. Section I shows how we can keep passion alive in our marriage and restore it even when it is no longer felt.
Intimacy is the second major love song we can sing to our mate. I seek to show in Section II why autonomy is essential to lasting intimacy. Then I proceed to consider the two basic features of intimacy: self-disclosure and acceptance.
The third dimension of loving involves singing the love song of commitment. In Section III, I will show how we can strengthen our marital commitment by what we choose to believe about love, marriage, and God.
When we understand how to be passionate, intimate, and committed, we will have the basis for a love song around which
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we can arrange our own unique form of loving expression. Talented singers each perform in a unique way. Likewise, even though God has told us all the same thing —to love one another—we are nevertheless given a great deal of latitude to be ourselves and love our mate by singing our personally unique love song.
I have chosen to retain the traditional pronoun in references to God, although I am aware that God is Spirit, neither male nor female. It is not intended to be offensive to female readers.
Most of the names of people in this book have been changed to preserve confidentiality. Circumstances represent a composite of actual events, unless otherwise stated.
Although this book is purposely slanted toward marriage, the principles are applicable in any relationship.
Whether you are about to marry or have been married for many years, it is my sincerest hope that this book will speak to your heart and help you find confidence in singing your love song to your beloved.
Eugene L. Whitney, Ph.D.
Laguna Niguel, California
