Friendship Evangelism

Matthew S. Prince

   Christ left us one great commission, to go into all the world and announce the good news to every person, making disciples as we go (Matthew 28:18-20, Mark 16:15, Acts 1:8, John 20:21). We do not have an assortment of great commissions, only one. Jesus specifically said that we were to begin at Jerusalem, at home. There are only two possible responses — obedience or disobedience. If a believer is involved in the Great Commission, his or her home will be involved. The biblical truths about husband-wife relationships, parent-child relationships, and couple-Christ relationships make it inconceivable that a husband and wife could be involved without the home being included to some degree.

   My wife and I met a couple who were experiencing great difficulties with life, marriage, and religion. We began inviting them often to our home. New Life discussions were being held, and they were asked to join. After several months they both trusted Christ. The woman explained that they had searched in various religions and activities for God but had been unable to find him. In the relaxed, loving atmosphere of our home and their home these people had come to understand that Christ is God's son,

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that he loved us, that he lived the perfect life God requires, and that he died for all our wrongs at the cross, finally conquering death for us. They learned and experienced the beautiful truth of personally receiving him. She summed it up when she said, "All my life I wanted to know the Lord but never knew how. No one ever told me until you." That couple is now actively serving Christ in the church and in the community, and they have led many to him in their home.

   That day in Jericho when Christ met Zaccheus, two remarkable things happened. First, he told Zaccheus that he would stay at his house (Luke 19:5), then he revealed the motivation for his incarnation, "For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost" (Luke 19:10). We serve a seeking Savior. When our hearts quit seeking, we have left his heart. If we love him, then our hearts will beat where his heart beats. The Christian home should be a seeking home. If we are concerned only with our well-being as a family unit and never reach beyond ourselves, then we are not following the heart of Jesus Christ.

   A leading pastor said that one trouble in Christianity is that we are trying to build a "cloistered group of institutionally domesticated Christians." Many of us have become familiar with the phenomenon reflected in the phrase "the holy huddle" — Christians who through excessive introspection spend all their time on themselves. Having a balanced, healthy, harmonious Christian home is one of the best things that can be accomplished in life, but it is not the top priority item. The Great Commission is. Being a husband and father of six I am extremely sensitive to the value of such a home. However, the Christian world faces a real and present danger of total obsession with the good to the exclusion of the best. Suppose we have the most psychologically healthy and practically balanced homes in all the world. It means a lot now in terms of priceless people. What difference will it make a million years from now? If what Jesus Christ says is true, then it will have meaning only if others are in heaven as a result of the witness that home bore on earth. In all our attention to the Christian home we should emphasize Christ's first priority, going to others that they might become disciples of his.

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THE BIBLICAL PATTERN

   Christ lived out a great deal of his ministry in homes. He ministered to Peter's mother-in-law and others in Peter's home (Mark 1:29-32). In his home at Capernaum, Jesus taught a house full of people and healed the paralytic who was let down through the roof (Mark 2:1-12). Immediately after his call to be a follower of Christ, Levi gave a reception in his home with Christ as the guest of honor so that his tax-gathering friends and others could meet his Lord (Luke 5:29-32). Christ taught and served in the home of Simon the Pharisee (Luke 7:36-50) and in the home of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus (John 12:1-11) where people had an opportunity to observe and believe in him.

   God has emphasized the importance of Peter's ministry in Cornelius's home by preserving that record in two chapters of his Word (Acts 10, 11). Paul carried on an effective ministry for eighteen months in the Corinth home of Titius Justus (Acts 18:7, 11). When he met with the Ephesian elders at Miletus, the apostle reminded them how he taught publicly and "from house to house" (Acts 20:20).

   In contemporary religion, we have become so meeting conscious, crowd conscious, and technique conscious that we are in danger of overlooking the strategic value of the home in carrying out the Great Commission. In the biblical pattern of reaching others for Christ, the home plays a significant role.

THE LOGICAL PLACE TO DEMONSTRATE LOVE

   In explaining his ministry to the Corinthians, Paul unveiled many of the secrets that made him a power for Christ. In getting to the heart of his ministry he described the driving dynamic that controlled his life. "For the love of Christ controls us" (2 Cor. 5:14, RSV). The verb controls is interesting. It refers to basic motivation. Paul did what he did because Christ's love urged him.

   Why do we talk to people about Jesus Christ? What should control our relationships with them? All too frequently we are led to believe that those without Christ are the enemy. They are victims of the enemy. Christians sometimes create hostile atmospheres

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by initial attitudes toward those that are without Christ. The fruitful Christian life should be motivated by love. The believer should decide whether or not he or she genuinely loves that person Christ loves and for whom he died.

   In an earlier part of Paul's detailed explanation of his life and ministry, he explains that unbelievers are superhumanly blinded by Satan (2 Cor. 4:3-4). He then gives God's three-part formula for piercing the satanic darkness: first, the focus on Christ (2 Cor. 4:5); second, the believer the bond-slave of the unbeliever for Christ's sake (2 Cor. 4:5); and third, our love for the one without Christ (2 Cor. 4:6). The one who has been satanically blinded can see the face of Jesus Christ through the darkness. Where will he or she see it? In our hearts. That is where God has shone to give the light of the knowledge of his glory in the face of Christ. It is not our intellects or brilliant abilities to argue, but in our hearts.

   What more logical place to demonstrate love to a person than in the home? In fact the home may offer more potential for showing the love of Christ than any other vehicle available to us. The last social barriers are torn down when an individual is invited into the home. When Christians meet with non-Christians, the atmosphere should be so lovingly receptive that the unbeliever will go away feeling more welcome than any place he or she has ever been.

   Some time ago in New Life a man and his wife attended a discussion series of four weeks, each session meeting in a different home. When asked why they knew the Bible was God's Word or knew that Jesus Christ worked, Christians frequently responded that among other things he changed lives for the better. The man without Christ said he was tired of hearing about changed lives and wanted to hear some other explanations concerning why he should believe in Christ. Although intellectually he objected to hearing about changed lives, he continued to come to the home of Christian friends because of what he experienced there. Beyond the thinking process he became emotionally involved. He could not question the reality of the love which he and his wife experienced. Today he knows Christ as Savior and is helping win others.

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   When Paul went to Thessalonica, he won many people to Christ. In describing his ministry to them he said that he loved them so much he wanted to give them not only the gospel message but also his life because they were very dear to him (1 Thess. 2:8). That is effective Great Commission business. We are called to make disciples, not converts. The most effective work for Jesus Christ is done, not through simply distributing literature, but in sharing our lives with people.

THE WISDOM WALK

   In Colossians 4:2-6 Paul discusses how the believer should relate to the person without Christ. In verses 2 through 4 he emphasizes the necessity of devoted, alert prayer for open doors and clarity of the gospel. He then says that we are to conduct ourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of every opportunity, seasoning our speech with salt suitable to the individual taste of the person to whom we should respond (vv. 5-6). There is nothing spiritual about being foolish, crude, rude, or insensitive to the lives of others. It is biblical to be wise (v.5) and sensitive (v.6) with those who do not have Christ.

   Consider how wise it is to use the home as a means of touching those who are without. From the standpoint of the home itself, the whole family can be involved. It is a good way to let children and every member of the household see what marvelous things happen when others hear of Jesus Christ. When group sessions or individual contacts are made in the home, each family member is aware of what is going on. God honors a home for this kind of Great Commission activity.

   Many are hostile toward religious buildings and religious meetings. The personal threat is so great that they will not even consider getting near such a building. Every human being is reluctant in some measure to attend strange meetings where he or she will be surrounded by strange people.

   By contrast, consider what the Christian home offers. An invitation to the home proves that the host cares for the friend without Christ. The atmosphere is casual. Informal conversation at genuine heart level can be carried on without pretense. Relaxation is real. Openness naturally results. When done properly,

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nothing can be more effective than the wise application of a loving home atmosphere in which people can receive Christ and learn to grow in him.

   A very successful businessman and his wife trusted Christ through New Life. He wanted his partner Jim to know Christ. He invited my wife and me to his home, explaining that he was inviting the partner and his wife the same night for dinner hoping that I could lead him to Christ. Now this unbeliever was very defensive to anything about the Lord.

   I assured the new Christian that I would come to his home but only on the condition that we would not talk about the Lord. He looked shocked. However, it simply would not have been wise to attempt any kind of "gang up" on the non-Christian. He would be looking for that. We would let him initiate any conversation about the Lord. My friend agreed.

   When the night came, things happened exactly as expected. Jim immediately began to needle our hostess. He knew he could make her mad by saying certain things about God. He said, "If there is a God, I don't think he should be mad at me. I've never done anything wrong."

   My response was, "That's interesting, do you play the guitar?" He said no, and when asked what he liked to do as a hobby, he explained in depth. This happened several times before dinner.

   When we sat down to eat, Jim brought up the subject again, "Seriously, if someone knew a lot about evolution and somebody else knew a lot about the Bible, I'll bet they would have a lot to say to each other."

   I answered, "I'm sure they would, but don't know anything about that. Would you like some more beans?" He said yes and finished off the beans.

   We returned to the living room where he tried to bring up the subject two or three more times. Finally I asked him a personal question with his agreement. "Jim, are you one of those religious fanatics?" He of course said no. Why did I want to know? I responded that he had tried to talk about God all night, and I just thought he might be one of those religious fanatics. Immediately he sensed that we all cared for him and did not want to fight. Within six months he became a Christian. He felt love in

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his partner's home. All the arguments could not overcome the warm acceptance of a Christian home.

COMMON GROUND

   Five times in a few short sentences Paul expressed his determination to win others to Christ (1 Cor. 9:19-22). He was not content with merely sowing the seed; he wanted to see people won to Christ.

   This is perfectly scriptural. Christ taught a harvest theology, not just a search theology, as is evidenced in the story of the lost sheep and the lost coin (Luke 15:3-10). He also taught harvest theology in John 4:35-38 and in Matthew 9:37-38. Paul followed Christ's heart.

   In his determination to win others the apostle severely disciplined himself (1 Cor. 9:26). He described his method, "Yes, whatever a person is like, I try to find common ground with him so that he will let me tell him about Christ and let Christ save him" (1 Cor. 9:22, LB). How can we best become all things to all men, finding common ground from which we can lead them to Christ? What better vehicle than the home where people can speak what is honestly in the heart?

   Five years went by before one friend let me tell him about Christ. He constantly said, "We are friends," and then would tell me confidential things in his heart. He needed someone to talk with. For several years I was his attorney. We worked through some difficult times together. Finally one day in my home while we were alone in the study, he prayed to receive Christ. I believe he would have come to Christ much sooner had I invited him to my home earlier. After we began to visit in the home, after he and his wife became acquainted with my wife, significant progress occurred. It took us a long time to establish the common ground. From that base he was able to move to a personal reception of Christ through the unique bond we felt in the warm glow of the study where true friends met to share confidences.

THE GENTLE CORRECTION

   In his second letter to Timothy, Paul has a lot to say about how Christians should lead others to Christ. Three times in chapter 2

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(vv. 14, 16, 23) he says that we are not to fight. He then gives specific instructions concerning what we are to do. "And the Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition; if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will" (2 Tim. 2:24-26).

   In most formal or even informal Christian meetings, either an overt or hidden agenda must be kept. Usually many more people are involved and things are far too impersonal for gentle correcting. I am heartily in support of the Christ-honoring church and always have been and by the grace of God always will be involved in it. Much gentle correcting has taken place, can take place, and will take place in the church. However, the home provides a uniquely fitting place for carrying out this witness.

   How much that goes on in the name of witnessing is nothing more than fighting? An invitation to the home immediately eliminates the concept of quarrelsomeness. It reflects an attitude of receptivity and togetherness. Through Christ-honoring conversation, either in small groups or individually, the person can come to his or her senses and perhaps escape from Satan's trap.

OVERCOMING THE BIGGEST OBSTACLES

   In over a quarter of a century's experience as pastor, missionary and practicing attorney I have come to the conclusion that in all witnessing two steps consistently are more difficult than others. The first is bringing up the subject, and the second is closing the transaction.

   The Christian home offers a thousand and one ways for Christ to become the object of discussion. All of these can be natural, unforced introductions to him.

   A business leader came to a home session at the invitation of his friends who were our hosts. After several weeks he and I cultivated a satisfactory friendship. In a few months it became an intense friendship. One night standing in the basement of his house he asked why I was so concerned that he have Christ.

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My answer was simple: "Tom, it's hard for one man to tell another this, but frankly if you are not in heaven when I get there then I do not want to go." He trusted Christ. In that setting only three people were involved. He was at ease in his own home and could respond only to the Lord and to me.

   Extraneous interruptions can be eliminated. A receptive atmosphere can be maintained. The two biggest hurdles can be overcome.

A HOME SATURATED WITH JOY

   Christ taught the same truths two times when he told of the lost sheep and the lost coin (Luke 15:3-10). In both cases there was great sensitivity to the need of the lost one. Each person put forth a concerted effort until the lost was found and brought home. The result of each was individual and corporate joy.

   Christ said (John 15:11) that he desired his joy to be in us and for our lives to be saturated with this joy. The word he uses suggests a great sense of well-being. It is Christ's desire that our lives be characterized by great well-being which transcends circumstances. Leading other people to Christ can bring more joy than anything else in Christian experience.

   In emphasizing the urgency of the imminent harvest Christ said that gathering fruit for life eternal results in rejoicing (John 4:36). The home that is involved in the Great Commission will experience Christ's kind of fulfilling joy.

   In one instance my wife and children were interested in another family. We began to have them in our home, and we went to their home. Within one week the father and mother became certain of their relationship with the Lord, and one of the children through one of my children and some friends did the same. We have had a special relationship with them ever since, and the benefits to our home have been considerable. Nothing can replace the warm glow such experiences produce.

   Part of the fruit of the spirit is joy (Galatians 5:22-23). The home that is involved in the Great Commission will reflect Christ's sense of well-being and will be a home where heaven's joy can be found.

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Matthew S. Prince, founder and president of New Life, Inc. was for many years a practicing attorney and a pastor.

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