The Family — Foundation for Evangelism
Leighton Ford
Christian groups have mushroomed in amazing fashion in the last twenty-five years. The sportsmen have their Fellowship of Christian Athletes, women their Christian Women's Clubs, and businessmen their CBMC. Students join together in InterVarsity, Campus Crusade, Young Life, and Campus Life. Stewardesses and pilots encourage each other in the Fellowship of Christian Airlines Personnel, show people in the Christian Arts Fellowship, and politicians simply through the Fellowship! Pro golfers and their wives have weekly Bible studies on the tour, and the men who drive the transports are in Truckers for Christ!
I praise God for these groups by which salt and light of the gospel are penetrating our vocational and special interests. But how ironic it would be if we default in our evangelism at the most crucial point of all — the family!
How can we evangelize non-Christian families? How can we get Christian families vitally involved in sharing their faith?
This challenge was pointed up for me by two recent conversations. The first was with a young man, part of whose ministry is to run six homes where young people from Christian homes are taken in for nine months at a time. For the most part these are
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youths in their late teens for whom Christianity is unreal, in spite of their believing parents. A major problem, he has found, is that they have been so spiritually isolated that they have seldom seen the power of the gospel really at work. Their families have little contact with the non-Christian "world" and seldom, if ever, share their faith. So he and his staff disciple them, involve them in personal evangelism, and see many of them come spiritually alive for the first time as they say, "Hey, all this I've learned about Jesus is more than words. It really works! He does change lives!"
My second conversation was with a representative of the Navigators who has been working in Brazil. Much of his ministry has been with Marxists, and a lot of it has been through the home. He has found many Marxists quickly grasp the teaching of the gospel on an intellectual level, but they are not moved to consider and respond until they see it fleshed out in relationships. One man accepted Christ after being exposed to the gospel over a two-year period. "It wasn't just what you said," he explained. "The turning point came when you had me to your home for dinner. One of your children misbehaved, and I saw how you disciplined him in love. The reality of God's presence was there, and that's when I decided to turn my life over to Christ."
Two dilemmas face us: how to reach non-Christian families and how to turn on Christian families that have the spiritual blahs. But these are actually two parts of one dilemma! Non-Christian families are often unreached because Christian families have the blahs! But those two conversations so close together made me realize there is one solution that affects both problems. Get the "Christian" families to reaching the non-Christian families, and the unreached will be reached and the Christians may get over the blahs.
BIBLICAL EVANGELISM: A FAMILY AFFAIR
In the Bible, evangelism is very much a family affair. Salvation itself is family-oriented. The living God (and the Trinity is in a very real sense a family!) has made himself known to us as Father. The best definition I know of a Christian is one who through the new birth has God as his Father. Adoption into God's family is the highest blessing of the gospel! By faith we are justified;
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justification is a legal idea and sees God (correctly) as judge. But adoption is a family idea and sees God as Father! This is especially exciting to me because I myself am an adopted child. I have always been thankful that my parents chose me to be their own; they didn't have to, but they did, and God has done the same.
British theologian J.I. Packer points out that being God's adopted children would control our whole life-style. We are to imitate the Father, Jesus said, loving our enemies as our Father in heaven does (Matthew 5:44). We pray to "Our Father in heaven," knowing he is always available (Matthew 6:9). We walk by faith because we believe our Father anticipates our needs and will supply them (Matthew 6:25). Earth is the place where God wants us to bear the family likeness of his Son (Romans 8:28). And heaven will be a grand family reunion!
Through evangelism we want people everywhere to be able to say, "I am a child of God. God is my Father. Heaven is my home. Jesus is my brother, and so is every Christian!"
The family was a high priority in God's purpose as it unfolded. In the Old Testament the family head would pledge allegiance to the Lord for his household: "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15). The Jewish family was a kind of visual aid to demonstrate God's grace. Many Gentiles became proselytes because the spiritual solidarity of the Jewish family made a tremendous impact on them.
Through Jesus, God zeroed in on the family. Scan the Gospel of Luke, and you'll see how true this is. The Savior came to bless the world and was introduced through two faithful families (Luke 1, 2). Jesus and his disciples used homes — Levi's and Martha and Mary's and Zachaeus's — as headquarters to reach and teach (Luke 5:29, 10:38, 9:12, 10:5, 19:5). A dinner party was often the setting for Jesus' message (Luke 5:29, 7:36, 14:1). He helped families and widows in trouble, healing Peter's mother and Jairus's daughter, bringing back to life the widow of Nain's son (Luke 4:38, 8:41, 7:11). Home life gave him many of his best illustrations — his parables of the friend who comes at midnight (Luke 11:5), the wedding feast (Luke 14:1), the prodigal son (Luke 15:1). Concern for family life comes through clearly in
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what Jesus teaches about divorce (Luke 16:18) and about blessing children (Luke 18:15), or causing them to stumble (Luke 17:1).
Yet Jesus also makes clear that there is a higher allegiance, that loyalty to the Father takes first place even over family ties! His Father's business was top priority in his own life, though he willingly submitted to his parents (Luke 2:41). His family was made up, not just of his mother and brothers in the flesh, but of all those who do God's will (Luke 8:31). When he called disciples, he spelled out that it might involve a break with their families (Luke 9:58, 14:26). But any sacrifice they might make in leaving home would be repaid; God would give them a hundred homes in his wider family (Luke 18:28)!
A STRATEGY OF FAMILY EVANGELISM
A strategy of family evangelism must have at least three parts: (1) leading members of Christian families to personal faith; (2) evangelizing non-Christian families; (3) developing Christian families as a base for evangelism.
Evangelism in the Christian Family
How can believing spouses and children best lead their non-Christian partners or parents to the Lord? That is a large and important question, but an even more important question is, How are we to evangelize the children of Christian parents so they can be Christ-bearers to their peers?
The problem of the "second generation" has been recognized, and I hope the research results will give us valuable insights. Nominal, hand-me-down Christianity has plagued every age (for example, the great debate over the Half Way Covenant in colonial New England), every church (whether they practice infant or believer's baptism), and every part of the Christian world (see Stephen Neill, The Unfinished Task [London: Lutterworth Press, 1957], pp. 35ff.). And it touches every parent! Many of us have ached when our children seemed indifferent or rebellious to the Lord we love. And many of us have praised God when we saw them begin to show signs of their own precious faith!
Theologian Henri Blocher suggests that the Bible sets forth
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three basic positions relevant to the evangelism of our children: (1) faith is not hereditary; (2) there is a spiritual solidarity to the family; (3) the child is not already a responsible person; he becomes one.
Discipleship involves a personal faith and commitment. As Corrie Ten Boom says, "God has no grandchildren!" The problem is shared by the Christian home and the Christian church. It's easy enough to get children or church members to comply with the words we ask them to say or the rituals in which we ask them to take part. It's also fairly simple to get children or church members to identify with the faith of their parents or some person they admire. But what God desires and what we seek are children and church members who will internalize their faith until it's really theirs. What we want is not just proselytes or semiconverts but disciples who follow Jesus as Lord!
To this cause the "spiritual solidarity of the family" is an ally, not an enemy. "The promise is unto you, and to your children," said Peter (Acts 2:39). As a Christian parent, I can claim God's promise on behalf of my children, believing, even when the blossoms or fruit haven't yet appeared, that God intends to call my children to himself! But this faith is meant to spur me as a parent to my spiritual responsibility, not to leave it to God or others.
As a Christian parent, I have to ask myself: Do I realize that in God's plan my wife and I are to be the first evangelists of our children, that I have no greater priority? Billy Graham has cautioned my wife and me several times not to try to win the world and lose our own children. Judge Keith Leenhouts, author of A Father — A Son — And a Three-Mile Run, tells of the time and love he spent with his son Bill, a slow learner. Over the years, affirmed by his father's love, Bill made it into college and overcame his lack of physical coordination to become an all-state runner. "To the best of my ability," writes Leenhouts, "I wrapped up my love for Bill in my heart, body, mind and soul so that the word love truly became flesh. If Bill in and through my flesh could sense the love of God and give God his love, then I had done my job as a father. If not, I had failed. To me, it was that simple."
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Do I realize how crucial it is that my wife and I model the gospel in our relationships in the home? Children learn through watching the behavior of their parents. They see love and justice and mercy "dramatized," or they don't. And that's what give telling force to the words and teaching they hear! "Discipleship," says Juan Carlos Ortiz, "is not a communication of knowledge, but a communication of life." Discipleship is built by life upon life!
A few weeks ago Chip, a senior football player at a prep school, accepted Christ in a meeting where I spoke. "I've been wanting Christ for months!" he said. "It's all because of the change I saw in my parents when they accepted Christ early this year. Before, they couldn't get along. Now they love each other!"
Do I as a parent teach my children in God's ways? As the old saying goes, we need to walk the talk and talk the walk! Deuteronomy 6 lays this out: "You must teach them [these commandments] to your children and talk about them when you are at home or out for a walk; at bedtime and the first thing in the morning. Tie them on your finger, wear them on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house!" (Deut. 6:7-8, LB). This doesn't mean that I am to preach sermons at my children all day long! My conversation and teaching about Christ should grow naturally and constantly out of all that we do! And added to regular reading and memorizing of Scripture, we should fill our children's imaginations with the images of God's truth! For the past year one of my greatest fun times has been reading C.S. Lewis's Narnia chronicles to our ten-year-old at bedtime. He doesn't grasp all the symbolism now, but I don't try to explain it. But these images will help to open his mind to God's ways in an increasingly secularized, one-dimensional world.
Do I as a parent try to isolate my child from the evil influences of the world or to immunize him? Many Christian parents think their biggest job is to protect their children. I've got news for you: that may be the best way to lose them. We need to move from a defensive to an offensive posture, not so much to keep our children from losing their faith as to help them share it! Certainly there are blatantly evil influences from which I must protect them. But I also need to be aware that my children will
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be under these influences whether I like it or not, talk about these things with them, and prepare them to confront a world which lies in the evil one. According to Francis Schaeffer, some of the confused kids they get at L'Abri are from evangelical homes and churches where they've been told, "Don't ask questions; just believe." We must encourage our children to ask questions and as parents do the hard work of learning the answers, or learning where they can be found.
All of us need to grasp the significance of Blocher's third thesis: "The child is not already a responsible person: he becomes one." Children are not "small adults"; they can respond to the gospel only where they are in terms of responsibility. A young child may accept Christ with real meaning; I did at age five. But this childhood experience needs to be ratified at the age of "accountability" which varies with the individual — when a child begins to think of God as a Spirit, to understand sin as more than disobedience to parents, to be capable of personal decision and responsibility.
Real and lasting conversion of our offspring demands patience on the part of parent and pastor and responsibility on the part of children. If our evangelism is impatient, the fruit will be incomplete. We must nurture our children, not as a substitute for conversion, but as a preparation for it, carefully and prayerfully laying the logs on the fireplace and expecting God to ignite them at the right time.
Discouraged parents with rebellious youngsters should remember Monica, the mother of Augustine. She prostrated herself on the sands off the North Africa desert, weeping in prayer for her son's conversion, and could not understand how God could let him leave and go off to the fleshpots of pagan Rome. Little did she know that in Rome her son would hear Bishop Ambrose preach, be convicted of his sin, and find in God the end to his restless quest!
Evangelizing the Non-Christian Family
The strategy of "family evangelism" is growing rapidly today outside of North America. Veteran Korea missionary Roy Shearer reports that in Korean society. "The soundest way for
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a man to come to Christ is in the setting of his own family." The gospel, he notes, flows "along the web of family relationships." In India, Miss B.V. Subbamma, who has been so effective in evangelizing Hindus, believes that the Hindu family may be the only institution through which the gospel can be transmitted and received. Indonesia (along with many other nations) has witnessed tremendous "people movements" in which whole villages with all their families would turn to Christ. The Spirit of Jesus Church in Japan is growing rapidly through what they call "sweet potato vine" evangelism. They cultivate contacts with families — "the vine" — as opposed to individuals — "individual fruit."
Perhaps we in the West have been too culture bound! Perhaps we have been too individualistic! Perhaps our brothers and sisters in other parts of the world are leading us to rediscover a biblical pattern of family evangelism.
Isn't it true that one of the main results we hope for in evangelism is the healing of broken families? Then isn't it fair to ask whether the strategy of our evangelism aims at whole families? For example, we need child evangelism, youth evangelism, adult evangelism. But all of these should be seen in the context of family evangelism.
Communications specialists tell us that we must reach people at the point of "felt need" in their lives. Family concerns are often the "open filter" through which we can approach them with the good news of Christ. In the Billy Graham Crusades and my own Reachouts we've found that publicizing a family night with a message on the home usually brings the largest crowd and often the greatest response! Many uncommitted parents attend Bill Gothard's seminars and find Christ because they are seeking answers to family conflicts. Family crises — impending divorce, discipline problems, and the death of a family member — often provide the divine "timing" which prepares hearts to respond.
We are always thrilled to hear stories like that of the couple who attended our Macon, Georgia, Reachout. That very week they were planning to file for divorce. They both came forward, he to receive Christ for the first time, she to rededicate her life. As they spoke with a pastor-counselor, the man poured out to his
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wife the wrongs he had done. She said, "In Christ's name I forgive you," and then shared with him the areas where she had wronged him. And this new Christian took her hands, looked her in the eyes, and said, "In Christ's name I forgive you." God gave them a new beginning!
Lost Valley Ranch, a guest ranch in Colorado, is one of the most effective family outreaches I have seen. Its founder and manager, Bob Foster, conceived the ranch as a means of contacting business and professional men at the point where they hurt most — their families. Lost Valley does not advertise itself as a "Christian" operation. Their ads in the Wall Street Journal and other papers emphasize only that they offer a wholesome family-oriented vacation. The program has no "religious" meetings outside a Sunday morning open-air worship service. They include separate activities for different ages but always have events that bring the families together. Before they've been there long, the guests sense something is different. There is a genuine love and personal concern on the part of the staff, all of whom are committed Christians. Even though there's no "happy hour," people are happy. At some of the evening western-style singing programs the staff will sing a hymn and explain what motivates the ranch. Guests start asking questions. Every week some open their lives to the God whose presence they have sensed. And for months to come others call back to say, "Bob, we're having a problem in our family. We know you're a devout man. Is there any way we can find the kind of relation with God you told us about?"
This family dimension needs to be included creatively in our various evangelistic outreaches. When you plan an evangelistic campaign in your city or church, how about including at least one meeting for the family, with the slogan, "No adult without bringing a child; no child unless accompanied by an adult!" The message could be "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved and your house," and the follow-up material would be designed to help the whole family start a new life with Christ.
When you have some effort for a special age group, why not tie in an outreach to other family members? Some months ago I gave a series of evangelistic addresses at the University of Maryland.
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One evening the student committee hosted a dinner to which they invited their parents, many of whom were non-Christians, and asked me to explain the purpose of the week to the parents, as a way of sharing the gospel with them too. Does your church or group plan something of this sort for parents, perhaps as part of a report or awards session at the end of a youth activity?
A number of churches are deliberately programming for the whole family. This has relevance, not only for Christian nurture, but also for evangelism! Not too many activities in our society are geared for whole families. Family camping or family worship services planned by our churches can have a tremendous appeal to parents seeking to pull their family together.
And what about the Christian school as an evangelistic agency? Is the Christian school a "cop-out" as some charge? Maybe, for some who seek primarily a haven where they can protect their children. But in Argentina the Christian Brethren are using schools as their main tool of outreach. Non-evangelical and even agnostic parents choose to send their children to these avowedly Christian schools because they are attracted by the strength of character and excellence of education which they see in them. The Brethren are doing some of their greatest reaping as a result of the Bible teaching and regular evangelistic services shared with these students and their families.
The Christian Home: Base for Evangelism
Among the first Christians one of the most important methods of spreading the gospel was by the use of homes. Those early believers met in the upper room of a house owned by John Mark's mother in Jerusalem (Acts 1:13, 12:12). Paul used Lydia's house and the jailer's at Philippi as evangelistic centers (Acts 16:15, 32-34). The Book of Acts shows us homes being used for informal evangelistic encounters, for meetings planned to hear the gospel, and for follow-up of inquirers.
Aquila and Priscilla have been held up as a model of husband-wife relationship in Christ. They were also a first-rate evangelistic team! They knew how to use their home for worship, study, hospitality, and conversation to advance the gospel.
The example of the early Christians affected succeeding generations.
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Christians in Rome in the second and third centuries used the decorations in their homes as a witness to their faith. Celsus, a bitter enemy of Christianity, sneered at the "stupid" housewives who gossiped Christianity at the laundry.
Those first Christians had few evangelistic tools, they had no radio or TV, no church buildings to mention, no printing presses, but they knew how to use their homes! Today an evangelistic breakthrough is taking place in the growing use of homes all over the world!
But the most important thing a Christian home can contribute to evangelism is its quality of life! God isn't calling us first to offer our homes as miniauditoriums for evangelistic meetings. The first thing he wants is for our homes to demonstrate transformed relationships!
A family where husband and wife love each other more deeply and faithfully as years go by, where a husband can affirm his wife's gifts without thinking he is giving up his manhood, where a wife can joyfully adapt to her husband's leadership and still be liberated, where children are a gift and not a burden, where simplicity is the keynote and not slavery to consumerism, and where security in Christ is so real that children don't have to be rushed off to private school to flee integration is a powerful evangelistic statement before a word is said.
Have you ever noticed that while we find Jesus' Great Commission given in the Gospels and in the Book of Acts we don't find it repeated in the Epistles? Oh, we find Paul telling the Colossians to walk in wisdom "toward them that are without," but you don't find him telling them, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel." Why?
The first evangelists went throughout the world of their day preaching, making disciples, establishing Christian communities. In the cities where they went, they reached the "pool" of those who were prepared to understand and receive the gospel, namely, the Jews and the God-fearing Gentile proselytes. Then Paul and the other missionaries realized that, for the most part, the pagan world of their day was not prepared to hear and understand. First, they had to see the gospel lived out in daily relationships. Thus the emphasis in the Epistles is on being in Christ and living out Christ as husband and wife, parent and child, slave and master.
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Then, having seen the life of Christ fleshed out in living color, the pagans would ask, "How come?" and be ready to listen.
Discipleship in this area of family life must be high on the agenda for evangelism in our day. This doesn't mean we wait until our relationships are perfect before we share Christ with our neighbors. If we did, we'd never do it! No one's life or family is "good enough" to be a witness in itself. As an evangelist, when I'm preaching about how Jesus can change our family, I've also got to admit that I can still lose my temper on the tennis court (in a very spiritual way, of course!) and then snap at my wife for the next three hours! But this honest sharing of failure and how we learn to forgive each other can also be a powerful evangelistic word to the very human fellow-strugglers with whom we seek to share a realistic Christ!
Real family love is a radical statement today, and it will be even more so as society becomes more pagan. But the "saltiness" of Christian love has got to be exposed to have impact. Exposure demands that we build bridges of friendship to the world around. We've got to overcome the unbiblical idea that separation equals isolation. That's been one of the devil's major ploys in quarantining the contagious power of the gospel.
Remember how Jesus called Levi, that rascal of a tax collector? The first thing Levi did was to have a big party at his house, invite all of his gambling, drinking, rowdy friends, and ask Jesus to come as the guest of honor! "Worldliness!" we'd cry today. "Jesus, tell Levi to come out and be separate!" And so we'd close the door of Levi's house forever as an evangelistic outpost.
Obviously there's a balance called for, tension that every family has to work out on its own. We must be prepared to expose our family to non-Christians by inviting them in and by going where they are. But we can't overexpose our families, or we may lose what we're building. Time with the Lord and one another is just as important a priority as openness to non-Christians. But in the case of my own family, we feel God calling us to a much more radical obedience in opening our home to those who need our Savior.
How can we use our homes for evangelism? The first and most obvious way is through simple friendship, neighborly hospitality,
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inviting folks over for a meal. Sometimes the best witness is the unconscious witness of association. Home gatherings can provide the setting for natural, informal sharing of our faith.
A real estate developer in Dallas and his wife invite couples from their tennis club over for dinner and a chance to get better acquainted. Over coffee in the den he says something like this: "We don't have much chance to get acquainted on the tennis court. I thought you might like to get to know one another better. How about each of us sharing what we would most like the others to know about us?" He then begins, tells something of his background, and very simply explains that the priorities in his life are first, his walk with Jesus Christ, second, his family, and third, his business. The others then share what's most important to them, and, without pushing, the evening often results in follow-up conversations about Christ with someone who's been deeply moved.
We hear of many families who invite friends in to view the Billy Graham TV Crusades with them as an opener to sharing Christ.
Another approach is to invite neighbors in to meet some Christian — perhaps a visiting missionary or even a local friend — who knows how to turn the conversation to spiritual things and in an interesting, spontaneous way stimulate questions about Christ.
Others may want to take a more structured approach. Recently it was my privilege to speak at a dinner party for four hundred persons at a lovely home in Philadelphia. After a buffet supper in the garden I presented the claims of Christ to the assembled guests, all of whom knew what they were coming to hear! More than one hundred indicated they had received Christ that night in comment cards handed in. Christians who couldn't get their neighbors to church found they would attend such a meeting in the setting of a home. It was especially interesting to watch how a whole family, including some younger children, worked on the dinner party with an infectious enthusiasm — setting tables, welcoming guests, praying for God's blessing, and sorting through the comment cards afterward!
And what about inviting international students to share a meal or spend a holiday period in the home? I shall never forget the Taiwanese student in Canada who told me, "Something puzzled me
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about the Christian homes I visited in Canada. No matter how many members there were in the family, there was always one more! They were always talking to this unseen person, at meals and other times. And I could see the difference — the love — something I had not experienced in my home in Taiwan. I wanted what they had, and I found it was the Lord Jesus Christ. That's why I'm a Christian now!"
Christians should also use family occasions to communicate the gospel. Birthdays, weddings, and anniversaries are festive occasions to share with relatives and friends the joy of the Lord. And funerals can be a time to witness to the reality of his triumph even through the tears!
Another area of prime importance is ministry to singles and to the divorced. A church may often need to operate as an "extended family" to provide support and teaching and witness to those who don't have a full family of their own. Some congregations, like an Episcopal church in Texas, have helped form communities of young, single, working adults in apartments surrounding the church where they can live, study, play, share, and witness together.
Very little seems to have been written in this area. Parachurch groups, denominational evangelism departments, and Christian publishers should be encouraged to prepare materials to teach Christian families how God can use their homes as his evangelistic base. In Vancouver, British Columbia, our team is presently engaged in a two-year in-depth evangelism project. The training task force in Vancouver has prepared a seven-week study guide entitled "In the Spirit of Love." One of the exciting features is that the material is integrated for study at four levels — personal, small group, large group, and in the family! Parents are given suggestions, including games, to help the whole family see their opportunity to witness for Christ in the place God has put them.
THE FAMILY AND ITS MISSION
Remember Jesus' words about those who would leave home and father and mother for his sake and the gospel's? Our homes are not meant to be jealously guarded but to be lovingly offered in the service of Jesus and of our lost and lonely neighbors.
Nowhere is this more dramatically illustrated than in The Hiding Place,
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the story of Corrie Ten Boom and her family. World Wide Pictures' screen version opened recently across North America. It vividly portrays this dedicated Dutch family who used a secret alcove in their home to hide Jewish refugees from the Nazis during World War II. Father Ten Boom and his daughters were confronted with an awful decision: Would they turn away their Jewish friends and guard their family's safety? Or would they risk their own family to protect others? With quiet courage they acknowledged that they could not confess Christ and turn away the Jews. Because God was their "hiding place," their home could be a "hiding place" for the wretched of the earth. And even though that decision led to arrest, concentration camps and death, they did not lose their home in any final sense. What they did was to demonstrate that only as we share, only as we are willing to lose our homes for Jesus' sake, do we find them! Indeed, our eternal home is in Heaven!
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Leighton Ford is vice-president of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. He alternates with Billy Graham on the "Hour of Decision" which is carried over hundreds of radio stations. He is also the author of New Man, New World.
