When Answers Don't Come

Mothers have a way of knowing things about us that no one else can figure out. Several years ago I took my parents to the airport for an overseas flight that would take them away from me for a year. My own heart was a war zone. I was wrestling with the ultimate outcome of some very bad decisions I had made in my life, but only God and I knew the full story. My mother told me later that she knew I was struggling. She knew from the way I hugged her and from the way I cried that something was terribly wrong.

   Mary must have struggled as she watched Jesus at the height of his ministry in Galilee. Throngs of people were coming to her son, listening to him teach, reaching out to him for healing or deliverance. He worked constantly; the crowds were always there. His disciples could sneak away and grab a quick meal or a few hours rest, but not Jesus. Everyone wanted to see him;

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everyone had a need that only he could meet. People sat for hours, captivated by his words. The sick, lame, blind and deaf stood or were carried in long lines, waiting breathlessly for a touch from the miracle-worker. No one was ever turned aside; no one ever went away unchanged.

   Another concern for Mary stood at the edge of the crowd. At first, only a few religious leaders watched Jesus, but every day there were more. Most of them were local rabbis, but some came from Jerusalem. They came to watch and to listen and to find fault. Their dark glances and whispered complaints were getting louder and more obvious. It would have been bad enough if Jesus had just ignored them, but he became more and more direct in his challenges to them. The Pharisees especially seemed to be the targets of his barbed rebukes. The Pharisees were returning his comments in kind, calling Jesus a drunkard and a friend to sinners and a companion of whores.

   Mary had also been hearing the talk around the table at home when Jesus' brothers and sisters gathered for family meals. None of them was a follower of Jesus. They just saw him as the older brother — the one everybody (including their mother) always compared them to. Jesus had been the perfect son, always interested in the Law of Moses, always attentive to Joseph's instruction, the one who never created any trouble. Now people were beginning to call him the Messiah, the Deliverer, a prophet, a rabbi, the Christ.

   His brothers thought Jesus was on the verge of a nervous breakdown or insanity (Mark 3:21). What Jesus needed was an intervention. Several family members needed to sit down and confront him with his strange behavior, his poor eating habits, his lack of concern for his own relatives and their needs. After all, since Joseph's death, the responsibility for the family's financial security fell to the oldest son, and Jesus hadn't contributed to the family coffer for months. Who better to lead the

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charge, to penetrate Jesus' overworked brain, than his own mother? Perhaps out of genuine concern, perhaps caving in to family pressure, Mary accompanied Jesus' brothers as they made their way to the house where Jesus was preaching.

Are Not His Brothers Among Us?

A lot of controversy has centered around the brothers and sisters of Jesus. Who exactly were they? Several references are made to them in the New Testament,¹ and in two passages his brothers are named. When Jesus came to Nazareth, for example, and began to teach in his hometown synagogue, the people responded with amazement.

"Where did this man get these things?" they asked. "What's this wisdom that has been given him, that he even does miracles! Isn't this the carpenter? Isn't this Mary's son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon? Aren't his sisters here with us?" And they took offense at him. (Mark 6:2-3; see also Matthew 13:54-56)

The normal reading of that passage leads us to believe that Jesus grew up in a family with four younger brothers and at least two sisters.² Actually, they were half-siblings since they had the same mother but Joseph was not Jesus' biological father. In other words, after Jesus' miraculous conception and birth, Mary and Joseph entered into a normal marriage relationship from which six or more other children were born. But that is just one interpretation. Some Christians read these verses very differently.

   Epiphanius, a church father living in the fourth century, argued that these were sons and daughters of Joseph by a previous marriage. According to this view, Joseph was a widower when he married Mary, and he brought these children with him into the marriage. Jerome, who also lived in the fourth century, claimed that these six people were not true brothers

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and sisters at all. They were cousins or other relatives. He understood the terms brothers and sisters to refer in a looser sense to any relative.³

   Both Jerome and Epiphanius came up with their views in order to defend the emerging belief of the church in the perpetual virginity of Mary. At this point in church history, Mary was beginning to be exalted by church theologians. The virgin conception of Jesus had been affirmed as true doctrine since the beginning of the church, but now theologians thought they had to extend the barrier of virginity beyond the conception and birth of Jesus. The church's teaching on the perpetual virginity of Mary simply said that Mary never had a sexual encounter with a man ever.⁴ Joseph married her at the Lord's command but never had sexual contact with her. The birth of six children, of course, would require sexual contact, so the church leaders began to search for another explanation for the brothers and sisters of Jesus.

   The third and fourth centuries of the church also saw a tremendous upsurge of interest in chastity and virginity as the means of sacrificing oneself fully to God. Men and women, either alone or in same-sex communities, began to live in strict chastity as an act of devotion to the Lord. Mary became the ideal example, especially for women who took vows of chastity.⁵ The church simply expanded Mary's image of virginity to include her entire life as a response to the emerging sentiment in the church as a whole. The belief in the perpetual virginity of Mary is the official teaching of both the Roman Catholic and the Orthodox church. Even John Calvin left the question open.

   The most natural way to understand the biblical references, however, is that Mary and Joseph conceived children who were born after Jesus' birth. Matthew makes it clear that Joseph had no sexual relations with Mary, but he limits it to the time "until she gave birth to a son" (Matthew 1:25). The biblical teaching

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on the virgin conception of Jesus requires Mary to be a virgin at the time Jesus was miraculously conceived in her, but nothing in biblical theology requires Mary to be perpetually a virgin. Throughout Scripture God blesses both marriage and the sexual union within marriage. Mary and Joseph were blessed of God with at least six children in addition to Jesus.

Who Are My Mother and Brothers?

Jesus' brothers had grown up in the same home with him, but they couldn't believe what was happening now that Jesus had gone out on his own. He was acting like a pious Jerusalem rabbi! He had a bunch of disciples (such as they were), following him around. Throngs of people were flocking to his hillside meetings. His brothers were asking the same questions their neighbors were asking, "Where did Jesus get this wisdom?" Something had to be done.

   These four boys may have grown up around Jesus, but they didn't believe his claims (John 7:5). They even thought it was fun to mock Jesus and sarcastically prod him: "Show yourself to the world" (John 7:2-4). Mary's concern for Jesus and his brothers' embarrassment at what they perceived as Jesus' arrogance brought them to the house where Jesus was preaching. They couldn't get in because of the crowd, or they wouldn't go in because they wanted to talk to Jesus alone. They stood around for a while and finally sent Jesus a message something to the effect of "We would like to talk to you if you can spare some time for your own family."

   Jesus got the message. "Your mother and brothers are standing outside," someone said, "wanting to speak to you" (Matthew 12:47). Jesus, however, kept right on talking. Finally, thinking Jesus had not heard, several in the crowd repeated the message, "Your mother and your brothers are outside looking for you" (Mark 3:32).

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   Jesus, of course, knew their intention. His family had not come to encourage him and assure him of their continued prayer for him. They had come to arrest him, to try to use the club of "good common sense" to turn him from the work the Father had given him to do (Mark 3:21). Mary still had not made the transition in her mind from seeing Jesus as the son of her womb to seeing Jesus as the Servant of the Lord. But everything in Jesus' life had changed. Mary is not calling him from childhood games anymore or ordering him to get more wood for the cooking fire. She can't snap her fingers and turn him away from the path of obedience.

   "Who are my mother and my brothers?" Jesus asked. Those who thought they knew the answer to that question soon found that they were wrong. If Jesus had asked me, I would have said, "Jesus, maybe you are working too hard! Mary and James and Judas and the other boys and girls are right out there in the courtyard." But Jesus stretched out his arms as if to embrace the crowd of disciples and followers around him and said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother" (Mark 6:34-35).

   It's interesting that at this point Jesus did not include Mary among those who were doing the will of God nor (as Luke records it) among those who "hear God's word and put it into practice" (Luke 8:21). The lines are clearly drawn. There is an inner circle of followers and those outside the circle.⁶

Handling Opposition

As far as we know, Jesus never did go out and talk to his family. It seems odd, almost rude, doesn't it? We are a little embarrassed to find Jesus doing something so un-Christlike. On closer inspection, however, we discover that Jesus was demonstrating a very important principle, one that applies to our work in any kingdom enterprise.

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   Doing the will of God often brings opposition. The critical, fault-finding, "we've-never-done-that-before" Pharisee types are still with us. But sometimes the fiercest opposition to the will of God comes from our own family, from those we love the most, those who have the most emotional power over us. You may know what Jesus was going through from your own personal experience. You may have tried to do what you perceived as the will of God at some point and found the biggest roadblocks put in your way from your own parents or brothers and sisters or your mate. The Pharisees wanted to discredit or discourage Jesus. The opposition from his family was to distract Jesus from the Father's will. When you first hear their reasoning and the concern in their voices, it sounds so compelling, so reasonable. They just want Jesus to lighten up a little. But if he had followed their counsel at this point, it would have turned him from the path the Father had planned for him.

   When I pastored a church near a state university, a Jewish college student came to believe in Jesus as Lord through the outreach of one of the campus ministries. In time this young man joined the college group in our church and began to grow in his love for the Lord and for the Word. He would borrow theology books I had labored through in seminary and return them a week later asking for something "a little deeper." Finally he decided to go to seminary himself, and today he is an evangelist.

   What those of us who knew him learned much later was that his father had stopped paying his college tuition when the young man trusted Christ. His decision to go to seminary rather than to take his place in the family business was met with disinheritance.

   It's difficult as a parent to surrender a child to a ministry that will take that child from us and put him or her in a place of economic struggle or physical danger or continental separation.

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   Our friends Bill and LaVelle Hamrick found it difficult when their son David sensed God's direction in his life to a work in world missions. Bill and LaVelle had supported missionaries and been involved in mission endeavors for years, but now the sacrifice took on very personal dimensions. It was hard to stand in the airport terminal and say goodbye to David and Karen and one-year-old A.J. as they left for South Africa. Bill and LaVelle are thrilled at what God has done through their son and daughter-in-law, but that doesn't take away the pain of separation or the tears that come when they miss their grandson.

Making It Personal

I wonder how willing we are to go to some difficult place to serve God — to make a deliberate decision, for instance, to attend a small, struggling church instead of the exciting megachurch because in the smaller church our gifts can be used more fully. I wonder how willing we are to hold our children, resources, time, commitments with open hands for the Lord to use. We sing "Make Me a Servant" and "Take My Life" on Sunday, but how does that translate into the decisions and priorities of our lives? Are we willing not to take the next promotion at work so we can continue to have the time we need to lead a small-group Bible study or be available to parent our children?

   Jesus' brothers and mother were willing to use the leverage of common sense and family obligations and even financial security to try to turn Jesus from his obedience to the will of God.

   It's purely conjecture, but maybe, as Jesus reflected on this incident, he formulated the stunning teaching we find in Luke 14:26-27: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters — yes, even his own life — he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who

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does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." Jesus is obviously overstating the case in order to make his point. In Matthew's account the hyperbole is tamed down a little: "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me" (Matthew 10:37).

   What Jesus makes very clear is that when there is a conflict between what God dictates and what our families advise or desire, we are to obey God. We find support for that decision within our greater family, the men and women around us who are committed to Christ. Jesus promised that anyone who was forced to give up home or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children because of Christ would find those relationships restored a hundred times within the family of God (Mark 10:29-30).

   We aren't told how Mary responded to Jesus' refusal to talk with her that day. I'm sure she continued to be concerned about him. I'm just as certain that she was hurt and maybe even embarrassed by Jesus' behavior toward her. But as Mary reflected on Jesus' words, perhaps she also made one more readjustment in her relationship to this son of hers, one more transition step from parent to follower. Mary had to learn what we need to learn as we grow in spiritual maturity. What Jesus wants us to see is that our choices in life are always to please him first. If we choose parents or children or spouse or any other loyalty over Christ, we are not the fully committed disciple Jesus is seeking. Jesus himself knows how difficult those decisions are. One day he had to make the same choice to ignore a call from his family in order to fully please his Father.

Chapter 12  ||  Table of Contents