That's My
Daddy!
I'm picking up the pieces once again.
Eric Nelson, "Picking up the
Pieces"
After the birth of her son, Sandra MacIntosh realized she had to get her life together. She had a family to support for the next twenty years. The first step was obvious: she had to shake the bootless and unserviceable Michael Kirk MacIntosh out of her life. A California divorce was set in motion by her attorney brother, Jim Riddet. The court issue once settled, she faced another decision. Since her roots were in Illinois and she had never lived in the east, Philadelphia held nothing for her. She was still on the books as a student at Long Beach State in California. So, accompanied by her babies and her home in California. Her parents helped her settle in an apartment in Tustin, south of Los Angeles, after which they flew back to Pennsylvania and began sending her checks. Sandra hired a woman to come in during the day and resumed her studies at Long Beach State.
The day before she gave birth to David, Sandra had received a quite rational, but devastating, letter from Michael. He told her that the district court had ordered
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him to pay child support, and he was not paying it, that he didn't like the idea and wanted no ties of any kind, that he would relinquish all legal rights to the children and didn't really care if he ever saw them again. He felt Sandra's parents could provide for them better than he ever could.
The letter was especially heartbreaking for Sandra, because she knew what he would lose, and what the children would lose. He doesn't deserve the children, she thought, but I want so much for him to love them and for them to be a part of him. Crazy as he is, he is their dad, and that's better than nothing at all.
At the moment, however, she was not up to facing him. She had school on her mind and wanted to start building her future. What she did not know was that her ex-husband was in touch with her brother, Jim Riddet. So the first time the telephone rang in the Tustin apartment, it was Michael on the line.
When she heard his voice, she felt a combination of excitement and fear. She didn't want him to come over, but she did want him to find her. She wanted to show him his son, yet she was afraid of having a relationship with him. She even worried about having the children around him. But hearing his voice sent her heart down to her feet. She told him he had a son, which he already knew, and then she didn't know what else to say.
Michael showed up outside the screen door and Mindi spotted him. "That's my daddy!" There were hugs for the little girl but no kissing between parents. They sat and stared at each other. Sandra saw the torment in his eyes, and it cut her to the heart. He's not well, she thought. He's done it all, tried everything, and there's nothing left. He can't talk. He's not coherent. His sentences — he can't finish them. He's a truly broken spirit. The cocky kid who went his own way and blew his mind on drugs is no more.
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And I'm more afraid of him than ever.
It was an awkward scene, yet at the same time Sandra found it exciting. Even when he was so messed up, Michael still fascinated her. There was always a little spark. As for Mindi, her father had not seen her since she was a year old, and the instant rapport and affection between them deeply moved Sandra. She watched Michael pick up his eight-week-old son and hug him, and saw the tears form in his eyes. She listened to the pitiful, childlike quality of his speech as he tried to get something across to her. Then suddenly he departed, leaving Sandra in emotional confusion.
Sandra went back to college and started rebuilding her life. For the next several months Michael would show up sporadically. She never knew when he would appear. Once in a while they would look at each other and feel a tug, and romantic thoughts would grip them, but nothing developed. For Sandra there were no future plans involving Michael. He was just out of the hospital and trying to get well, and she was busy at school. The lifestyle he had chosen had destroyed his mind and, she felt, their relationship along with it.
