Changing Her World : Ann
Kiemel
"You don't have to write a book. You don't have to stand on a platform. Just be all of God's wherever you are in your little square piece of the world. And keep that little square piece that only you and Jesus know about — keep that open and surrendered, and He will bless you."
That is Ann Kiemel speaking, a willowy, vivacious young lady who, with Jesus, has set out to change her world — and help others change theirs.
Still on thirty-two when she spoke these words at a church conference in Santa Maria, California, in the fall of 1977, Ann has come a long way in a very short time. But she gives the credit to Christ: "It has taken thousands of ordinary days of making Jesus Lord."
Born to a God-fearing small-town preacher and his wife, Ann has a twin sister and a brother. They were brought up in strict Nazarene tradition.
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EARLY YEARS
Her early life and college experience were not remarkable. But, in a God-directed path that took her from being a schoolteacher in Kansas City to a job as youth director of a turned-on and rapidly growing church in Long Beach and then, at age twenty-six, to the position of dean of women at Eastern Nazarene College near Boston, Ann Kiemel has repeatedly demonstrated that God doesn't know the word impossible.
Now she devotes all her time to crisscrossing the country speaking and writing, when she can squeeze it into a sometimes exhausting schedule. Ann, in I Love the Word Impossible, says in her own inimitable style:
Impossible means that ian ordinary young woman,
can be something special
and significant in an enormous,
hurting world.
i can be love where i live,
and that is Christ . . .
and He really does make ALL the difference!
Her three books, each written in a kind of cross between poetic free verse (a style first made popular by the late Peter Marshall), and first-person narrative, have tremendously boosted Ann's popularity as a speaker at rallies, conventions, and conferences.
The first, I'm Out to Change My World (Impact Books), was published in 1974, followed by I Love the Word Impossible and It's Incredible (both published by Tyndale House), in 1976 and 1977, respectively.
"I became a Christian at age eight at a Billy Graham movie Oiltown U.S.A., just before the family moved to Hawaii," Ann told me as we chatted in her hotel room in
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Pasadena shortly before she addressed a luncheon meeting of thousands attending the Greater Los Angeles Sunday School Association convention.
"But that was before I came into a sense of my own personhood. I was a simple, uncomplicated, naive little girl. But when we moved to Hawaii I began to understand who Ann was. Ann was not a very exciting person in the eyes of the world. Being a twin made it difficult to find my identity, but it also gave me my best friend, so it was my salvation."
MINOR CRISES
And yet, if not seeming to be important was a minor crisis in Ann's early life, it also seems to be a struggle for her now that she was achieved wide recognition and admiration. One senses that she seeks it and basks in it, yet fears it and wants to subjugate it to her all-consuming passion to build around "the simple, central truth that Jesus is the ambition and fulfillment of my life."
And though Ann obviously enjoys knowing and being known by the superstars of the Christian evangelical world, she is able to say that some of the friends she treasures most are those the world has never heard about.
"These friends live in simple houses in simple neighborhoods, with big, wide, warm hearts. They know how to laugh and they know how to cry, and they know Jesus."
But back to Ann's growing-up years — the better to understand her maturing ones.
Her father's church in Hawaii was small, and the manse including the kitchen was part of the church. The Kiemels had to make financial sacrifices. For several years they did not even have enough money to buy a Christmas tree. And Ann felt the pressure of being one light face in the middle of several thousand dark faces on the campus.
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She wished her skin were dark, too, and she wondered why the majority, Buddhists and Hindus, laughed at her Jesus.
A second trauma, of sorts, occurred when she left Hawaii for the mainland and college at Northwest Nazarene in Nampa, Idaho. Here, she says, she really committed her life to Jesus Christ. But, she wondered, "Could I cut it? Could I be accepted? Could I really find my place?"
She had big dreams, high hopes. She became somebody on campus. And she was an honor student.
Still, she writes in I'm Out to Change My World, what if her dreams never came true? Was she willing to follow Jesus even then — to the end?
For you it might have been an easy decision.For me it was six long months —ugly months —of struggle
"Jesus, how can I?"
'Til I remember kneeling by the couch
in the TV room
and piling into my hands all that I loved andknowing what it meant for the first time,
"Yes, Lord, from now to the end I will follow you."
Yes, Lordto anything
anytime, anywhere.
Yes, Lord — if you'll go with me.
That, says Ann, really was the turning point in her life.
And so, not forgetting that lesson, poor, and far from her family, Ann went to Kansas City to teach school. She had dreamed of being on her own, yet suddenly, she recalls, she felt insecure as a somewhat shy teacher in a big, pseudosophisticated secular school.
She had never had a checking account, never rented an
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apartment. But she found one: "One room, upstairs, no heat, no air conditioning, a bed that sagged, and a lamp stand."
Would Christ be adequate? "I was standing on my tiptoes, reaching for something higher than I'd ever reached before," said Ann in characteristic soft tones.
She continued talking, telling about subsequent moves, first to the church in Long Beach and then to Eastern Nazarene College in Wollaston, Massachusetts, where she was dean of women for five years. The great crises in her life have not been associated with moves, however.
NO PAT ANSWERS
"The overall great crisis," she explained, "was when I suddenly realized that truth isn't all black and white and that there aren't pat answers for everybody in the world. I was suddenly a woman, not a girl."
This process of revelation and resolution of internal truth happened when Ann was at Eastern Nazarene, "a young, young dean counseling all kinds of people and dealing with all the human emotions that there are."
Ann discovered she didn't always know what truth was, even for herself. Suddenly life wasn't pat. She was hearing many different voices telling her what was truth. And she realized she had never internalized what truth encompassed for her.
ABSOLUTE BELIEFS
Clarifying her thoughts, Ann added that she has never let loose of two absolute beliefs: One, that Jesus should be Lord of one's life; and two, that a person "should give his best — 200 percent — to God every day — through ordinary days, unknown moments, the black tunnels, the rugged mountains."
But, she confided, it took her about six years to find "in the nitty gritty human experiences of life what is truth."
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"I knew that if Jesus was Lord He would lead me into all this other truth," she said of her struggle. "But it didn't mean that He suddenly wrote on the walls about all the little human details of life.
"Today," she continued, "I believe I have internalized truth and understand what I'm going to live and die by in a deeper way than ever before and what it means to make Jesus sovereign Lord of a person's life.
"I believe life is one big process that involves pain and stretching and testing — a process that can only be discovered sometimes by testing, trials and failures. But the 'Spirit of Truth will lead us into all truth.' (See John 16:13.) Our only hope for positive process is Christ, at work in our lives. Without Christ at the center, the process will be distorted and will distort us."
SHE TURNS TO PRAYER
When Ann is searching for truth and answers for her life, she turns to prayer with a genuine earnest heart.
"The Lord has said that if you seek Him you will find Him when you search with all your heart," she said, referring to Jeremiah 29:13.
She also turns to Christian writings for guidance, especially the works of Oswald Chambers, E. Stanley Jones, and Catherine Marshall.
Also, close friends "who will love you through everything" are an important source of spiritual help in times of distress, as well as an aid in coping with life's day-to-day needs.
"Find one or two people you utterly trust who will not betray you, to whom you can open your whole life and stand naked and bare before," Ann advises. "Those who will believe in you, pick you up over and over, dust you off, and identify with you in your struggle."
Admittedly, she feels, few friends are of that quality who will share your private sanctuary with you. Ann,
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who greatly admires her parents, nonetheless says parents can't be that kind of sanctuary to a child though they can be of great help in many other ways.
To Ann, at least, a sibling can provide the kind of friendship that incorporates totality and trust. Ann calls her twin sister Jan, "my greatest, noblest friend. If I hadn't had Jan I wouldn't be where I am today. It's taken Jesus and Jan."
Another nuance to friendships and interpersonal relationships is a source of spiritual strength, Ann feels. Commitment to others is as important to her as having a few very significant persons whom she can trust.
COMMITMENT TO OTHERS
"It goes back to the idea of seed faith," she explained when she realized I didn't quite understand her. "It's not losing touch with the fact that there are people around you, and being committed to these people and to a cause greater and higher than yourself."
Put in another context, this giving of oneself to others can be a means of letting God revive one's own drooping spirits.
Ann, like nearly all of those interviewed for this book, is subject to periods of discouragement — sometimes, to use her own words, she is "deeply, deeply discouraged. I awake feeling disjointed with life. There are a few mornings when it would have been easier to have never gotten out of bed."
That is a frank admission from a gal who, in public appearances at least, seems to be sitting on top of the world.
But the average Christian needs to know that even their best models in the faith sometimes feel like Ann: "With sheer gut determination I got out of bed, got my clothes on, and began to bring laughter, cheer, and hope to others around me."
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I asked her if she ever felt hypocritical about this when her true feelings underneath were at variance with those she was conveying from the stool she likes to sit on while speaking to a crowd.
Ann has never felt hypocritical about this: "I feel that God understands my heart and knows that I really want to give it my best," she answered. "I am human and I am struggling. Besides, I only speak of things I really believe. Jesus will move people through other everyday people like me. And love changes everything."
What do you do then about down times? I asked.
ON TOP THROUGH CHRIST
The love of Christ has brought her out on top, through His faithfulness, "over and over and over and over again," she replied emphatically, "through loss and gain, sickness and health, success and failure, easy times and rough times. It's easier now because I know who He is and how faithful He is. How consistent He is in His love! It's not quite as much of a wilderness now."
Ann takes a realistic attitude towards discouragement and problems people, seeking help, bring to her. She doesn't try to talk them out of their problems, says the former dean of women.
"I think it's part of life. It's understanding, it's listening, it's saying, 'I care. Maybe I can't take the pain out of your life but I'll walk the road with you. I love you, care for you, believe in you.' "
Her books abound with examples of how she has tried to put that philosophy and counseling technique into practice.
GIVE GOD TIME
The single most important lesson she has learned, Ann asserted, can be told in three words: "Give God time."
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The problem is, she said, we want everything NOW, without pain or struggle. "We want Christ to create this utopian, euphoric existence so it will just sort of fall into place."
Of course that's impossible. "It may take years of ordinary days and mistakes, thinking, learning. We need a resilient spirit, striving on toward Jesus' plan for us."
In her early thirties, Ann seems to have learned a lesson many twice her age have not yet mastered: "Let Jesus be the top priority of your life, day by day; everything else will fall into place, even though it may take years."
Ann pointed out that her father, who has always been the pastor of small churches, has given Jesus the best of his life each day. Nowadays he's being fulfilled through his children in some ways that were never possible in his own ministry. Vicariously he can share in the joy of speaking to vast audiences through Ann.
"Making Jesus Lord, one day at a time," summarized Ann, "takes hard work, initiative, determination, great courage, and positive energy.
"It takes everything Christ can put into my life and my best efforts. It's a combination of both. It's not passive, but it's surrendered and relaxed. It's inner freedom, serenity, inner peace, inner continuity."
MEETING DAILY ANXIETIES
Yes, and there are daily anxieties. The best time to deal with them, according to the lithe brunette who enjoys tennis, bicycling, and baking cookies, is before getting out of bed in the morning. Her first waking thought is to "acknowledge God's presence in my life — that He is Lord — and give Him the day."
There is also anxiety reduction in detachment. It is important, Ann believes, to detach oneself from the superficial securities of the world and what's going to make her happy, look good, be a success, impress people.
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"I detach myself from thinking the way the world thinks, from success, money, how many people love me or don't love me. I want to build my life around Jesus as the ambition and fulfillment of all my desires and dreams and my personhood."
Admitting this is easier to do some days than others, Ann added: "I sometimes have to get back to that. There are moments of feeling insecure, threatened, alone, uncertain, and frightened. Then I need to go back to Jesus, the source of security, for my fulfillment. That is all that really matters."
To start and work through the day with these internalized convictions, many Christians would agree, is a big step towards driving away unhealthy stress and anxiety.
Because Ann Kiemel (at least when I interviewed her) was the only subject of this book who had never been married, I asked her to comment about singleness, anxiety, and living a life of victory in Christ.
Ann began by saying that as a little girl she had always wanted to be a wife and mother. Now, she insists, she is happy as a single.
"I am fulfilled today because I find Christ is more and more fulfilling if you let Him," she said simply.
Sure she gets lonely. Read her books and you get the feeling that at times she fairly aches with loneliness. But not to the point of devastation.
Especially hard, she remarked, are vacation times when she goes off alone. Her brother and sister are both married, and Ann says it isn't her bag to go off with a group of women. She would enjoy a trip with a man she likes. But that is not an option. So she spends time by herself.
Singles also feel the void of loneliness in the area of having to make big decisions alone.
But, she shrugged, everyone has periods of loneliness, regardless of marital or family status.
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GIVE YOUR LIFE AWAY
"If I'd give one piece of advice to singles," Ann said after a pause — realizing that four out of the five of us in the room were single — "it's give your life away. Don't spend all your time sitting around with other singles moping and discussing how hard it is to be single."
"Stand up, move out. Wherever there is a need, fill it; a hurt, a touch it in His name; loneliness around you, reach out to ease it. Give your life away."
Many singles, Ann feels, have very small worlds because they are looking for something God hasn't chosen to give them yet. If they would plant seeds, touch others, and give life away, then God could create bigger worlds for them, and the more whole they would feel.
One of Ann's goals is to be "self-contained, fulfilled, and whole." That is dependent upon Jesus being her source, she believes, not upon a relationship to a man.
"Forget about yourself and concentrate on Him," Ann advised. "Nothing will be more fulfilling than Jesus — even if you do marry and have children. If I marry, I'll be so much more and have so much more to offer as a woman because of the years I've been single, discovering truth, learning to be self-contained, and being independent. God has used that in my life."
In less than forty minutes now, Ann would have to change clothes, collect her thoughts for her message to the Sunday-school convention, and meet scores of friends and admirers eager to shake her hand, exchange a word of greeting or encouragement, and perhaps get her to autograph a copy of her latest book.
"Whatever I've been in the past is not good enough for today," Ann said. "He expects new, fresh courage for life each day. I can't live on my victories of the past in the world's eyes, either. The motive has to be pure. I must decrease and He increase."
Even as the titles of her best-selling books proclaim,
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Ann's credo is that life and the potential of one's life are so great and expansive they are limitless.
She speaks with the same airy artistry of metaphors with which she writes. Her closing words:
"I have miles and miles to goand dreams and dreams
to reach forand many mountain peaks to attain
through His power.That is the adventure
and the challenge
of my life."
