Living Free

Leave the flurry

To the masses;

Take your time

And shine your glasses.

SHAKER VERSE

Nothing sums up retirement quite as perfectly as the word freedom. The biblical secret for prosperity is to live with an open, generous hand toward all, including yourself. Horace Whittell, Gillingham, England, set a good example. On the day he retired he took along to work the alarm clock which had jarred him awake for forty-seven years. He placed the clock on a concrete walkway, climbed into an eighty-ton steam roller, and roared over old faithful. He told the gathered reporters, "That was a lovely feeling."

   Freedom is, indeed, a lovely feeling. It's the first thing we seek as newborn babies. My own children objected to any restraint, and well they might have. They wanted to be liberated from the playpen, then the nursery room, then the house, and finally the yard. It's all part of God's plan.

   Every person who retires learns quickly what Richard Armour discovered. This writer of humor, who lived in

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Claremont, California, for many years until his death in the late eighties, wrote:

Retired is being tired twice, I've thought.

First tired of working, then tired of not.¹

   Two ladies were discussing the freedom retired people have to do just what they want to do. One said, "You know, I am not that old, yet. I still can do just what I want to do." The second lady said, smiling broadly, "Well, my case is different. I am past the age when I can do just what I want to do!" One of my greatest joys in retirement is not only that I can do what I want to do but that I can do it in the way I want to do it. I have only two requirements: the first is to fulfill the requirements of God; the second, to fulfill the demands of my own clear conscience.

   At eighty years of age, Rubenstein, the pianist, was told that he was playing better than ever. His response was notable.

Now I take chances I never took before. You see, the stakes are not so high. I can afford it.  I used to be so much more careful. No wrong notes. Not too bold ideas.... Now I let go and enjoy myself....

   Living happily in retirement depends upon continual emotional and spiritual growth. No one can remain stagnant and live free. Human beings either move ahead or go backward; they cannot stand still. That is especially true in retirement. A man who retires and does nothing just irritates his wife. Quarrels pile up. Activities together are strained. A mature wife understands what is happening and does something about it. She plans a lot of activities for herself outside the house and encourages her husband to do the same.

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SOME DANGEROUS FEELINGS

In order to live free, problems must be identified and solved. A lot of retired people don't have much to be happy about. Pastor Charles R. Swindoll, in a sermon to his congregation at the Evangelical Free Church of Fullerton titled "Gray Hairs, Few Teeth, Yet a Big Smile," addressed four problems which often plague senior citizens. After watching his own father die slowly and sadly, he ascertained that the following feelings invade the golden years.

   "I am in the way...." Feelings of uselessness often spoil life for seasoned citizens. People who were the most resourceful in their earlier years and who were looked upon for leadership and direction are hit the hardest.

   In Detroit, a veteran of World War II who had retired from the assembly line grew increasingly sullen about his non-productive life while his family were engrossed in their careers. One day he left a note on the refrigerator and disappeared. His body was found several days later in the river.

   An operator of large road-grading equipment lost a leg to cancer and had to retire early. The idle hours were too much for him as he saw his fellow workers moving ahead with a growing, dynamic company while he sat, retired, on the sidelines. The misery was more than he could bear. He, too, found asphyxiation the preferred exit from his misery

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just ahead of a party arranged in his honor by his family and fellow workers.

   "I have fouled up my life...." Memories constantly peck away at the life of retired people. "I have fouled up my life," they say. "I blew it. If only I could live my life over.... I would pursue another profession... I would handle my money differently... I would enjoy my leisure..." If only... if only ... if only.... Hindsight is 20/20. No one can predict the future. Even those whose lives were well ordered take a turn that is later regretted.

   A grandmother whose husband had died many years earlier had so mismanaged the legacy left her that she fell victim to despondency. She knew her children had counted on their inheritance, but she had fallen for a scheme set forth by a group of liars and cheats and had lost it all. Consumed by "if only...," she took too much of her medicine one day deliberately and went to her reward.

   "I have been given a raw deal..." This feeling is accompanied by bitterness and resentment. Often it is aimed at certain people. A spouse might regret having married his bride in the prime of life. Parents might regret having children who grew up thoughtless and wandered away from the family circle. But, alas, not even God can change the past. The actions lived stand for eternity.

   "I am so afraid...." Many ordinary fears are intensified in the years of retirement. Older people are afraid of heights, afraid of bankruptcy, afraid of ill health, afraid of being left alone, afraid of losing their minds, afraid of dying.... They go to the grocery store and see the flashing red light of the UPC (Universal Price Code) mysteriously naming the item and showing its price. At the bank a computer, instead of a teller, counts out their money. Traffic lights have grown so dim it's hard to distinguish red, yellow, and green. Horns

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blare on the highways when they are driving at a speed that allows them to keep the car under control.

   A retired banker, sitting on a generous accumulation of savings that would have given him and his wife many rich, full years of productive life, was afraid of the years when he was no longer the man to whom his employees deferred. He,

too, took his life. Each one of Chuck Swindoll's points above has something to do with the memory. Ah, memory. There is no more wonderful faculty of the human mind and nothing quite as certain to prod. Aristotle called it "the scribe of the soul." Without it, thought would be incoherent and chaotic. It is the most amazing vault for cherished possessions ever devised. In it each of us stores away life's relish.

   Contrary to what many people think, memory does not deteriorate with age. New findings show that there are three kinds of memory, only one of which worsens in old age. Though psychologists still dispute precisely how many kinds of memory there are, most agree that there are at least three major kinds: episodic, for specific events; semantic, for knowledge and facts; and implicit, for skills allowing us to speak in a way that is grammatically correct, throw a ball or take a walk without falling down.

   Semantic and implicit memory do not decline with age, according to Peter Graf, a psychologist at the University of British Columbia. And declines in episodic memory, he found, may be because of factors such as retirement rather than aging itself and may be reversible.

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   "The idea that memory inevitably deteriorates as you age came from studies that tested only one kind of memory," says David Mitchell, a psychologist at Southern Methodist University. "Now we see that there are multiple memory systems, and they each hold up differently as a person ages."

   Part of the problem with the elderly, observes Daniel Goleman, writing in the New York Times, may be in switching attention. "If things come too quickly or in a confusing fashion, it may not register as well. But if older people are able to focus on what is happening without distractions, their memory may be just as good as ever."

FREEDOM FROM REGRETS

Memory is a fickle servant. It can bless or curse in the same hour of any day. The following three items can cause a retiree to experience tedious and tasteless hours. No one has to be their victim, however. From here on, I hope you will struggle out from under the burdens, throw them into the valley of forgetfulness, and live free.

   People. Anyone who has reached the age of retirement has lived long enough to have been wronged by certain people along the way. A single unproductive relationship can mar an entire period of life. Now is a good time to commit those types to the past events and forget them.

   Events. What has happened can never be altered. That includes not only the distasteful experiences but the blessings as well. Why do we always remember the bad things — earthquakes, stock market crashes, accidents, and losses? Why don't we focus instead on the wonderful reunions with friends and family, the parties, the memorable vacations?

   Decisions. I know a man who spends more time wringing his hands for selling his old house too soon and losing money than he spends thanking God for his new one. Who

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hasn't made wrong decisions? Who hasn't gone too far, or not far enough? Who didn't step out on faith at the right time or called it faith when it was merely presumption? The enemy of our souls continues to announce our failures, our wrongs, our disappointments, and the calamities of our lives.

   The prescription for these hurts is four little words. They are words from the Bible, written long ago by the Apostle Paul in his epistle to the Philippians: "Forgetting what lies behind... I press on..." (RSV). Embrace that attitude and sadness becomes joy, mourning becomes laughter.

   It's what the people of Enterprise, Alabama, experienced many years ago. The boll weevil destroyed their cotton industry so they planted peanuts and turned their ailing economy right side up. The people were so happy about the pleasing turn of events that they erected a statue to the boll weevil. Southern preacher Vance Havner observed, "All things work together for good for the Christian, even our boll weevils."

   Forget the past; build a monument to the future. Cook a Thanksgiving dinner and thank God for lessons learned.

HOW TO LIVE FREE

Today is the day to turn that little switch in your mind from "negative" to "positive." Take your cue from Ecclesiastes 11:8, "If a man lives many years, let him rejoice in them all." How can this be done?

   Don't fear risk. To give your love to another is to take a risk; to withhold love is worse. When you give yourself to a marriage partner you are taking a risk; not to take the step is to experience loneliness. To enlist for voluntary service is to risk things not working out; not to volunteer is selfishness. Life is full of risk.

   Trust others. My friend Assistant Los Angeles Police Chief Robert Vernon has carried his badge with honor for

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more than thirty-five years. One day in the line of duty he trusted his partner and saved a man's life.

   The two officers rushed a house where a notorious gangster had been spotted. While his friend went to the back of the house, Bob rushed the front door with his gun drawn. Inside, both officers spotted at the same time the man they were after. Bob thought the man reached for his gun; his partner, from another vantage point, could see that the man with reflex action was only grabbing for a bar of soap that had slipped out of his hand. "Don't shoot, Bob!" he yelled, so Bob held his fire and saved the man's life.

   Don't expect immediate rewards. When the Bible encourages believers to cast their bread upon the water it promises that they will find it after many days. It is possible to give yourselves to others and never see the fruit of your work.

   The grandparents of Clarence Thomas, I'm sure, were in that position. Advanced in years, they nevertheless lovingly agreed to take in their grandson living in remote Pin Point, Georgia, in the home of a sharecropper so that he could attend school and get an education. They saw their sacrifice rewarded as the grandson grew to manhood, graduated from Yale Law School, was named as a federal appellate judge, and later nominated by the president of the United States to become a chief justice in the United States Supreme Court. The journey required many long years, but each sacrifice was well worth it.

   Don't hesitate. Miguel de Cervantes once observed that "by the road of by and by, we arrive at the house of never."

   A retired woman in Rock Island, Illinois, dabbled a bit in writing. She fancied herself a writer of fiction and prepared a story titled "The Man in the Blue Suit" which she peddled to many publishers without success. A professor at a local college offered suggestions on how to improve it, but she didn't get around to changing it. A visiting writer from the West Coast read it in a workshop and suggested still other

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changes. The woman went to her grave unable to find time to make the changes that might have turned an unpublishable story into a classic.

   Do it now! has been a favorite expression in our family. Each member feels smug and quite efficient when, instead of waiting for time to elapse, a suggested undertaking is imme-

diately tackled and completed. That special knack is usually why people ask a busy person for help if they want something done quickly.

ENJOY YOUR MEMORIES

Now is the time to reminisce. Enjoy every minute. Avoid the if only... elements of your recollections, because wishing never made anything so. The only two things we can do with the past is to learn by it and enjoy its memories.

   In Greek mythology, a kindly boatman named Charon was responsible for ferrying spirits of the departed across the river Styx into the future world. Once Charon reminded a woman who came to be carried over the Styx that she could drink of the waters of Leathe and forget all her past. The woman, at first happy about this new discovery, exclaimed: "Yes, I shall drink and forget all that I have suffered!"

   "And you would forget all that you have enjoyed as well," the boatman reminded her.

   "I shall drink and forget all of my failures!" the woman went on.

   "Yes, and all of your victories," Charon added.

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   "I shall drink and forget all who have hated me!"

   "... and all who have loved you."

   At that the woman stopped and gave thought to the matter. Finally she entered Charon's boat without drinking the waters of forgetfulness. The price was too high.

   We are all able to choose our memories. Life's review need not be a photograph, but rather a painted portrait in which selected thoughts, feelings, experiences, and episodes are recalled that will give depth of meaning to the past. It does not mean that the portrait is less true than the photograph which gives the exact surface accuracy. The painted picture may be more true for it reveals something of the inner life as well as the surface appearance.

   Until I retired, I spent little time reminiscing and was a bit critical of people who lived in the past. Now I've changed my mind. There is value in reminiscing. Older people who reminisce are less depressed than those who do not. Certain experiences in life are better understood when viewed from the past. Reminiscing is not related to intelligence or lack of it. The learned person, as well as the uneducated, can make life richer with periods of reminiscing.

   A photographer named Philip Halsman was engaged to photograph the actress Anna Magnani. Eager to please her, he said, "My lens is very sharp and will show all the lines in your face." Magnani replied, "Don't hide them, I suffered too much to get them."²

   In my writing, preaching, and service as a CEO before retirement, I sought maxims which sought to put life into a single sentence: You are what you eat. Clothes make the man (or woman). Now I've settled on one that says it best: People are what they remember.

   Once Philosopher Immanuel Kant was hurt by a man named Lampe, Kant wrote on his note pad, Remember to forget Lampe.

   Wise recollection aids me today in my relationships with other people. A person who dwells on unpleasant experi-

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ences of his life, reviewing constantly the injustices done him (real or imagined) is not very pleasant company.

But, ever after, the small violence done

Rankled and ruffled all his heart,

As sharp wind ruffles all day long

A little bitter pool about a stone

On the bare coast.³

Chapter Nine  ||  Table of Contents