The Road Last Traveled

...and a time to die.

ECCLESIASTES 3:2

In Sunday School one day a small boy mentioned to his teacher that his grandmother read her Bible a lot.

   "Why do you think she does that?" the teacher asked.

   "Well," replied the boy, "I think grandmother is cramming for the finals."

   Good for her. That is precisely what the grandmother was doing. I am "cramming," too. I don't want to be a bootblack in heaven; I want to reign with Christ.

   Every sane person thinks of death. "Growing old," wrote Malcolm Muggeridge in the 24 April 1978 edition of the New York Times, "is just a process of getting tired. Soon I shall doze off, and then fall asleep. How beautiful to stretch oneself out!"

   David Rubinoff, the violin virtuoso, toured the country for many years, captivating Americans with his artistry. At ninety, Mr. Rubinoff was still performing, especially before young audiences who were simply enthralled by the music

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that poured from Rubinoff's violin. Each time he played, he ended by reading a poem engraved in a watch presented to him by his friend, the late Will Rogers.

The clock of life is wound but once

And no man has the power

To tell just when the hands will stop,

At late or early hour.

Now is the only time we own

Love, live, toil with a will.

Do not wait until tomorrow,

For the clock may then be still.¹

   When my friend Billy Graham turned sixty-five awhile back he was asked for his thoughts about the occasion. He answered, "The brevity of life." We all must die. There has been one death for one birth since Creation. Unless the Lord returns in our lifetime, the people of this generation will meet the Lord and stand before the Judge of all the earth.

   With aging come the inevitable losses — loss of friends and relatives, loss of employment, loss of income, often loss of health, and loss (for some) of home and neighborhood. No aging person escapes some of these losses. All suffer loss to one degree or another.

   In a materialistic society, people live for the present. They tend to glorify the glitzy, and judge worth on the basis of momentary glory and deny the spiritual realities that we in retirement years recognize. People grow stronger through losses. Senior citizens have a sense of reality, continuity, and purpose beyond the present.

   With each passing year in retirement, senior citizens develop increasingly a desire to communicate to a younger generation. Seasoned citizens long to tell youngsters what to reject and what to accept. The older person cries to God for strength to give younger people perspective on life, to tell them of the reality of God's love and God's presence. Unfortunately, these opportunities are few.

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   While celebrating the wisdom of the elderly, it is impossible to ignore the pain that some aging persons face because their bodies are deteriorating. People who are suffering often

develop a preoccupation with health problems. Although they live in pain, they seek to live beyond that pain. Aging is not a downhill slide. That's destructive thinking. It implies that those who have moved beyond their prime are in a downhill slide into incompetence and obsolescence. We all contribute to God's kingdom until death.

   Let's stop stressing the negative aspects of dying. Let's no longer downplay the joy of going through the door to eternity. Christians must celebrate life. Let us teach those younger how to die without fear, without being eaten up with regret.

   The Lord's first recorded miracle tells us something about divine strategy for our span of life. At a wedding in Cana of Galilee, He served the best wine last. The writer adds a kind of postscript: "This, the first of his signs Jesus did at Cana in Galilee." A sign points figuratively to something else. What Christ did back then he will do here and now. When our plans go sour, Jesus steps in with his gracious provisions and sets everything right. Things go better than before.

   Apply that to our span of life. First the carefree days of childhood, then the excitement of youth followed by the responsibilities of maturity, and finally the wisdom of age which leads us at last to the Father's House. And that which is coming is better than that which was. Count on it.

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Our times are in his hand

Who saith, "A whole I planned,

Youth shows but half; trust God:

see all, nor be afraid!"

   Robert Browing²

WIDOWHOOD

The loss of a marriage partner by death is a possibility for every retired person. It happens to more women than men, because the female gender has a longer life span and usually marries a partner slightly older.

   To be prepared for that sudden heart attack, fatal accident or terminal illness, let's discuss them now. By planning ahead you can more serenely deal with the loss emotionally and keep from being devastated financially. Pre-arrange as many things as you possibly can. Wills need to be made. Property should be owned in a way that is advantageous to all in the event of extreme circumstances. (This varies, but joint tenancy with right of survivorship will ensure that the remaining co-owner receives the mutually owned property). Bank accounts and safe-deposit boxes are best registered in the Mr. or Mrs. form. The or in the agreement allows the surviving spouse to have access to funds even before the will is ready.

   Our marriage vows say, 'til death do us part, but no one is prepared for that final goodbye. In a single heartbeat a wife becomes a widow, a husband a widower. Most events offer time to prepare, but not widowhood. For marriage there is an engagement period; for parenthood there are nine months of pregnancy; for moving to a new house there is an opportunity to prepare. Not so with death. The word widower or widow frightens and confuses. "No, no. Not me," we say. Victims feel dizzy, off balance, without a compass. A period of adjustment is required.

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When a person is born, we rejoice, and

when they're married, we jubilate, but when

they die we try to pretend nothing happened.

   Margaret Mead

   A woman member of the Association of Retired Persons wrote to AARP after she was widowed to tell her first thoughts and feelings.

When I first became a widow, I hated to leave my apartment for fear that "it" showed.... How much I was hurting, how unjust my life was, how alone I felt. Surely, people could see all that when they looked at me. Surely, they could see that I was different.³

   The trauma of passing from wife to widow, husband to widower, is a painful personal phenomenon. The agony seems never to end because no one is there to guide you through the adjustment. You need support from friends, permission to grieve, and patience.

   Counselors like to identify the stages of grief, but there is no real order to the grieving process. Wide-ranging emotions may overlap, producing shock, numbness, and a sense of disbelief. Occasionally you might hear your lost mate in another room, see him on the street, or hear her footsteps in the hall. When you realize that your mate is not going to appear on this earth ever again, depression may follow.

   Mourning never ends. The time of grief and intense sorrow can become more manageable, however. Acceptance for one person I know came when he realized it didn't demand that he didn't think about his wife any longer. He accepted the fact that a part of him will mourn for the rest of his life. At the same time, he had cherished memories to enjoy, and those would never be taken from him.

   Make certain that you get involved with some of the arrangements having to do with your lover's funeral. AARP's pamphlet "Final Details," (available from Widowed

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Persons Service, American Association of Retired Persons, 1909 K Street NW, Washington, DC 20049) outlines these nine legal details effective in all fifty states.

1. Make funeral or memorial service arrangements. Most traditional funerals cost more than two thousand dollars and can easily cost as much as ten thousand dollars. Make arrangements that are best for you and your family. Remember that you don't need a costly funeral to show your love and respect for your spouse. The Social Security Administration and the Veterans Administration provide burial allowances. Check with these organizations; you may qualify to receive one or both of these allowances for your spouse.

2. Find any important papers your husband or wife may have had — deeds, bank books, stock certificates, a will. Do not throw anything out. If you don't feel up to the search, ask someone you trust to help. Don't let your fear or personal turmoil at this time jeopardize your or your family's financial future.

3. In some states, joint bank accounts are automatically frozen. Ask your bank to release your funds to you and immediately set up a new account to handle funds received after the death.

4. Secure an ample number of certified copies of the death certificate. Also, locate your marriage certificate, your spouse's birth certificate, military discharge papers, Social Security card, tax forms, and birth certificates of any minor children. These records are needed to establish claims for Social Security, life insurance, or veteran's benefits.

5. Notify the companies that insured your spouse of his or her death. Each company, if there are more than

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one, needs a statement of claim and a death certificate before the surviving spouse can be paid. There are many ways insurance money can be paid out to the widow or widower. If you do not need all of the money right away, discuss with your insurance agent all of your options for being paid and choose the best for your situation.

6. Apply to your Social Security office for benefits. Social Security benefits are not automatically paid out after a death; you must apply for them. If your spouse was a veteran, apply for veterans' benefits at the nearest Veterans Administration office. Burial at no charge may be possible in an area where a national Veterans Cemetery is located.

7. Write a formal letter to your spouse's employer, union, or any other group or professional organization with which he or she may have had an association. Many of these organizations have insurance policies of which you may be the beneficiary. You may want to ask a friend to help you write these letters.

8. Advise all creditors, including issuers of credit cards, that your spouse has died. If you have any loans, find out if they are insured. If you have mortgage insurance, your house will be paid for.

9. Consult a lawyer. Your family may be very well-meaning, but they are not legal experts. Find a lawyer you trust; perhaps a friend or neighbor who is widowed can suggest a lawyer who specializes in wills, estates, and probate. Discuss fees before you engage any legal help.

   When you suffer an emotionally devastating event the last thing you want to deal with is money matters. But money does matter, now and for your future. Try to do the best

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planning you can. However, postpone any decisions that can be put off until you feel better emotionally. Many widowed persons have found that postponing major decisions for at least one year permitted them to experience all the seasons of their emotions.

   Ruth Jean Loewinsohn, in her book Survival Handbook for Widows,⁴ suggests writing on one side of a sheet of paper ten things you admired about your mate; on the other side she suggests writing ten things you disliked. Keep that sheet of paper handy. The next time you are tempted to extol the saintly qualities of your spouse, take the paper out and re-read it. Through that process, the deceased becomes a real person with real faults and real virtues, who is now dead.

   A wise person once said, "No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn." For anyone who has lost a mate, it seems that death is only an ending. But for the survivor, it must also be a beginning.

   This is not a beginning most of us ever planned to make and we are not prepared. Opening our hearts and our minds to accept this most terrible loss puts us on the path to eventual understanding. Yet it is a path that we alone can make meaningful. For it is the process of grieving that changes us and finally permits us to emerge from widowhood to personhood.

   This transition cannot be rushed. Like the spring at the end of a cold and bitter winter, it will come.

A FEAR OF DEATH

Author Tim Stafford looks at the final third of life in terms of a week. The first day is Freedom Day, the second day is the Day of Reflection. The third day is the Widow's Day, which comes with the loss of a spouse. The fourth day is Role Reversal Day, which begins when the older person needs regular help to get along. The fifth day is Dependence Day, when a person must lean on others for basic life mainte-

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nance — eating, bathing, dressing.... The sixth day is the Farewell Day, a preparation for death. The seventh day is the Sabbath, a day of worship, the day of rest. The secularist sees death as the end; Christians see it as the beginning of a new life. For families left behind, the seventh day is a period for recapturing the whole image of the person who has died.⁵

   Young people often mistakenly believe that the elderly are consumed by the fear of death. They hear us joke about old age as being better than the alternative, and read in literature lines like Shakespeare's in "Measure for Measure."

The weariest and most loathed worldly life

That age, ache, penury, and imprisonment

Can lay on nature, is a paradise

To what we fear of death.

   Most old people would claim that they do not dwell on the inevitable. A fear of dying is rarely expressed, but the process of dying is quite often the topic of conversations. We would all like to get out of life without much pain, of course, but there is no way to guarantee such an arrangement.

   The more a retired person reads the obituaries, the more prepared he is to leave this life. My father said one day, "I have as many friends on the other side as I do here." I think it made the prospect of death more inviting. Older people sometimes talk to the departed, telling them about their

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activities of the day, what has happened to mutual friends, and of plans for the morrow. Such visits arise from loneliness, perhaps, but also from the persistent belief that the deceased are not dead, only removed from our sight.

   Another point Tim Stafford makes is that death tends to make the elderly less fearful when there are no plans to spoil.⁶ Ronald Blythe wrote in View in Winter, that old age can be compared with "having worked hard all day and, by the time evening comes, finding that if you can manage to work just another hour you will have done all you could. The light isn't good enough to do any more, so you have to pack up. Finish."

   When facing the ultimate experience, most people do not wish to discuss their emotions. They are like soldiers in a foxhole preparing for battle. There is an intense desire for privacy. Surprisingly, painful or difficult deaths are rare. In most cases, people slip away quietly, peacefully.

In the Sweet By and By

The promise of heaven is the source of enormous blessing to senior adults. The basis is not wishful thinking but trusting in the finished work of Christ our Lord for salvation. Hope is more than wishing. For more than half a century, I have experienced the confidence of heaven, even in the days when going there seemed to be a long, long way off.

   What will our eternity be like with our Heavenly Father? We know that there will be no suffering, no death, and no sorrow. We shall know each other as Jesus identified Abraham and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-23). We know each other here; surely we'll have as much sense over there!

Palm Tree Christians

"The godly shall flourish like palm trees," says Psalm 92:12 ff (TLB), "and grow tall as the cedars of Lebanon. For they are transplanted into the Lord's own garden, and are under his personal care. Even in old age they will still produce fruit and be vital and green. This honors the Lord, and exhibits his

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faithful care. He is my shelter. There is nothing but goodness in Him!"

   Ann Pugh in Houston has taught the Bible for many years. She reminds that the palm tree is stately, upright, useful and fruitful. It is not affected by outward circumstances; it grows from the heart. The palm tree never grows too old to bear fruit.

   My former pastor, Ray Ortlund and his wife, Anne, wrote in their book The Best Half of Life something quite appropriate for us who are retired.

Don't huddle around with people your own age all the time.... Then when you die, everything you know will die, too.... Pour your knowledge into people twenty or thirty years younger than you. Extend your life!⁷

   Rev. Peter P. Tschetter was a palm tree Christian. In 1975, his testimony, Busy in the Lord's Work at Age 89, was published by the Pacific Garden Mission in Chicago.

Born in 1886, I turned eighty-nine on May 19, 1975. Ever since I was saved at the age 20, I felt the Lord wanted me to preach.

   My day starts here at 4 A.M. with personal devotions. I preach six mornings a week at 6 A.M. following a prayer service. I also teach a women's Bible class five times a

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week, and a men's Bible class four or five times a week. In addition, I help new converts get started in their Christian lives.

   It makes me happy? I should say! I enjoy this. To me it is a delight.

   Retirees sometimes complain of boredom and loneliness. God has given us the antidote for both: "Rejoice with them that rejoice, and weep with them that weep" (Romans 12:15).

Judgment Day

Universal judgment for every person should not surprise us. It happens all the time. Everyone constantly enjoys or suffers results from decisions made. This is warning enough that one's whole life, with all of its actions and extended influence, will ultimately be judged.

   A final judgment is promised when Christ returns as He promised.

When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats. (Matthew 25:31-22)

   The choice a person makes in life about his or her relationship to God is final, now and forever. God does not want anyone to perish, and He has opened the door for all who will come to Him. Jesus said, "I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved" (John 10:9).

   The Bible does not say much about heaven. That, surely, must be for our good. But perhaps there is more in the Scriptures than we realize.

   Revelation 21 and 22 offers some information. It's a new place; tears will be wiped away; death, sorrow, crying and pain will be gone forever; the power of God and the Lamb

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will be present; life in heaven will be full and eternal, and no evil will curse that life.

   We will have fulfilling, productive assignments to enjoy without getting tired or becoming frustrated. It might be geared to the spiritual qualities we develop in this life. We

will see Jesus as we see each other in this life. The light we will see by will come not from a blazing star nor from candlepower, but from God's own light, which is Jesus Christ our Lord.

   How long will heaven last? Just as long as God reigns — forever. If you are not prepared, this is the hour to get ready. Our sin requires our death. But Jesus Christ took our place and died so that we might live. Salvation is a gift freely given to all who take it by faith.

   I'll see you at the end of the road last traveled.

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