The Difference Christ Makes
In the Way You Face Life

I am writing this book during the time of year when Chicago is thawing its foggy, dark way out of a tussle with an unusual winter onslaught. For weeks, people have been late for work. For weeks, the hospitals have been crowded with casualties ranging from broken elbows, to broken legs, to sprained backs, to cracked skulls. The side-streets in the neighborhood sections are still rough as country roads with dirty, deep furrows of old ice. The snow has stopped, but the black water pools itself dangerously over hidden ice-cakes and people are still slipping and still falling and still crowding the hospitals. Still getting their pictures in the paper, replete with crutches and slings, and captioned by the warning that citizens are to be careful because they are of more use to their employers late for work than laid up in bed for weeks.

   I spent three and one-half hours at the hairdresser's yesterday getting a permanent, and I listened steadily to three and one-half hours of stories and complaints about the weather from the other women who were also there.

Page 222

   As each woman told her special series of stories about how winter had mistreated her, I was aware of one unbroken theme: Winter has no right to treat me this way! One of these stories will show you what I mean.

   "I tell you, I've had it! I never want to live through another winter like this one. It's all right for these women with husbands to handle things like frozen cars. But I'm alone in the world. When I go I have to get there myself. One morning, I remember, I pried and chiseled and pried at that car door and finally I walked three blocks — three blocks, mind you — in below zero weather to a filling station where I always have my car serviced. And do you think one of those lazy fellows would take time to come and help me? Not on your sweet life. The most they would do for me was to charge me twenty cents for a little old plastic snow scraper, the kind they used to give away for advertising purposes! Oh, yes, I finally got it open. Then, when I got to work, the first thing I did was break my key chain. But I got all the keys picked up — I thought. All day long everything went wrong. That night I tried to start my car. Dead battery. Dead as a doornail. And do you think I could get any no-good garage man to come and fix it? Not for two hours! Two hours, mind you. Well, when I got home at 9:30 at night, I was fit to be tied. I took out my key chain and what do you think! I'd managed to pick up all the keys that morning when I broke the chain — except — except my front door key! My daughter was out, of course. Teenagers always are. And I'll have you know I sat in my car and waited for two solid hours until she finally got home. I took one look at her and said, 'Don't say one word to me. Don't even say hello. I'm in no shape to talk. Just go to your own room and I'll go to mine. I'm fit to be tied.' She did and I did. I thought I'd never get warm. Oh, I tell you, I've had it. I've had it."

Page 223

   The filling station boys and the garage mechanics had no right to be busy when this woman needed them. Her house key had deliberately jumped off that broken key chain. Of all the keys on the chain, it had the least right to be so inconsiderate. And above all, her daughter had no right whatever to come in late to open the door for her mother.

   I do not blame this woman for feeling frustrated. I do not blame her one bit for her self-pity. Not for one moment do I underestimate the pressure that particular day put on her human nature. I have merely used it as an illustration to strengthen our theme concerning the difference it makes whether or not a woman's personality is Christ-controlled.

   It is often much easier to be brave and courageous and calm in the face of great tragedy than it is to remain poised and quiet in the face of life's small irritations. And this woman (if the remainder of her conversation was an indication, and I think it was), was not a believer in Jesus Christ. She was a sincere, hard-working woman. But daily life, if it veered from the normal in any way, was simply too much for her. She had nothing with which to meet it.

   A few days ago, I received a letter from a good friend which further illustrates my point. She, too, is a working gal. Her letter, in contrast to the above narration of steady complaint, was one of the most hilarious I have ever read! A flat tire, a dead battery, also a lost key, a traffic ticket, a hectic day of suffering patients in and out of the doctor's office where she works, a temper display by the doctor, all woven together in a letter of praise to prove that even daily life can be coped with, if Christ is in control of the personality. Her letter ended this way: "A few years ago, I'd be frantically calling people on the telephone right now, to tell my sad tale about 'my day.' Instead, I thought I'd just write to you and tell you that 'the Lord is risen!' The first thing that happened rocked me. But I decided to do as you once

Page 224

told me we could do. I decided to let every other thing that might happen that day be a reminder that Christ lived in me and that He has real humor and real poise and can handle anything that comes along. Do you know something, old girl? You're right! He can and He does. I love Him more than ever. This day which could have been a nerve-wrecker has been better than a whole week at a Bible conference."

   Life, however, is much more than flat tires and lost keys and the seemingly small irritations that pelt us all now and then. Life is made up of our thoughts, our actions, our temptations, our troubles. A widow wrote: "My social security is not enough to live on and I have just lost the part-time job I had. I'm not strong physically and I'm too old for most people to hire. I'm desperate. Could you help me find a job? I've somehow lost my closeness to God. I'm really desperate."

   When I receive letters like this, I sometimes have to stop everything and remember that the Lord told us to roll everything off onto Him. I become so burdened with these real and heartbreaking problems that depression is hard to resist. Of course, I have no concrete way of helping. I wish I had, but I haven't. And during these times, I am held steady by the sure knowledge that He cares more about these people than I could ever care. Because He is Love. In the case of this woman, I wrote as clearly and as firmly as I could, that even though she had lost touch with God, she could be absolutely sure that God had not lost touch with her. It is difficult to be firm with a woman in such a desperate state of mind. But in all honesty, I had to remind her that her life (from her side of things) was not Christ-controlled. It was desperation-controlled. I reminded her that Paul wrote in the fourth chapter of his second letter to the Corinthian Christians, that "We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

Page 225

persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body."

   This is not an admonition. It is a fact. Paul is stating, from his own experience, what he knows to be possible for all Christ-controlled personalities.

   Just yesterday (as I write this chapter) another letter came from another widow. "Dear Genie, My testing time seems to be increasing in intensity. I had just found a nice small apartment for my little boy and myself upstairs in the house of a lovely family. I also liked by work in a bookstore. Then, on Monday (the day after I found a wonderful little church with a marvelous minister who seems to care), I was taken home from work very, very ill. My doctor put me to bed and called my boss at the bookstore and told him it was either my heart, pleurisy, or gall bladder. But he told him he thought I could be back in one week. Genie, less than thirty minutes later my boss called the hospital and said business was slack and as I was the last person hired, he would have to lay me off permanently. Here I lie in the hospital with no job, ill, and almost a complete stranger in this big city. On top of this, the next day my dear friend downstairs told me she was moving out. But, Christ is with me. I know I am not alone. And He showed His love today when the little minister whose church I had only attended once, came to visit me. He is so kind and so gentle and so Christ-like. I am not brave. I am very scared and worried. But I am determined to know that Christ is with me and loves me, even when I do not feel His love. With no job, ill in a hospital and no place to go when I get out, I am having a glorious chance to try Him!"

   Here again, is proof that even though we suffer and are sometimes afraid, it makes all the difference between despair

Page 226

and hope, when we determine to remember who He is and what He is like.

   The strengthening Presence of Jesus Christ in the aspects of life which shock society, may not be of personal interest to most of you. But it will be to some. Wrong relationships such as adultery are part of life.

   Here are excerpts from two letters.

   "Dear Genie Price, At nineteen I married a fine Christian man. We were going to serve God together. But it didn't work out that way. What kind of a Christian life can you have if you don't read the Bible and pray together? We haven't. And now, I am more miserable than I can put into words.

   "From being told practically every day that I am too fat and that nothing I ever do is right: from being pushed off when I want to kiss my husband; from being 'talked down to' constantly, I am now strongly attracted to another man.

   "How do these things start? I used to 'look down' on any person who committed adultery, wondering just how they could ever do such a thing! Believe me, from now on, I shall have nothing but compassion for them.

   "Just the very act of caring that I had a splitting headache, started it. This man was sympathetic. My husband always told me to stop pretending I had one. I can talk to this man in a way I could never talk to my husband. But, Genie, I don't want to be involved like this. How can I get back into fellowship with Christ?"

   This woman answered her own question without realizing it. "What kind of Christian life can you have if you don't read the Bible and pray together?" I urged her to begin showing kindness and interest toward her husband whether she felt like it or not. And above all, to begin to spend time alone with the Lord. He is Love. He understands her predicament completely and He is not shocked. He knew this

Page 227

affair was going to happen when He saved this woman. And He knows the way out of it. Of course, she will have to be willing to stop seeing the other man. I advised her to do this and to fill the emptiness with time spent with the Lord alone and also to ask Him to send someone to her with whom she can pray. When we remain alone where our thoughts rule us, we only get mired more deeply into wrong relationships. Coming out of a situation like this is not easy. It is painful and it is heartbreaking. But the Lord knows this, too. And He is right in it with us. Some definite action on our part, however, is necessary. We must decide to spend time with Him. We must decide to show kindness and concern for the person with whom God has placed us. God is Love and He can rekindle love. Perhaps most important of all, on the part of a woman involved in this way, is to pray with a small group of other women. She doesn't need to bare her soul to them. But she will be strengthened by honest prayer with other women.

   This is certainly borne out in part of the next letter I want to share with you. "Dear Genie, How can I ever tell you of the joy in my heart. I can look at my kids now and feel clean! I can't say I'm in love with their father yet, but I'm on my way. And I know I would never have been able to break off this affair if I had not given over all the controls of my life to Jesus. I figure it this way. If He says adultery is a sin and if He died to break the dominion of sin in my life, then He just has to have a practical way out for me. Hooray! He has. Don't think I'm not still tempted. But I have found myself becoming more and more interested in reading the Bible now. I'm not fighting God any longer. And even though some of the members of my little prayer group don't know any of this, I keep trying to thank them just for meeting together! It has been a real, concrete help to me to have these little informal, honest sessions with the

Page 228

other gals. I've discovered I'm not the only sinner in the world and not the only woman with a mess of problems. Every time I hear my husband come in the house at night, I quickly turn to the Lord and ask Him to give me His love for him and to help me think of some little way to show this love. And, even though sometimes it seems awfully slow to me, it's working. P.S. Of course, I'm not seeing the other fellow anymore at all."

   It has been said that there are some problems which we cannot untangle. We must cut them off. But the strain of the sudden severing is too much for the fiber of the human personality to withstand unless the emptiness is filled with something new. This woman wisely became a part of a living prayer cell. She put herself deliberately in a place of vital contact with Christ Himself. Of course, there was suffering, but she found Him in it with her.

   The nature of the problem which is tangling your life is not the point. The point is the Nature of Christ. But we are usually not willing to let Him have His own lovely way in our involvements until we have taken an honest look at our own natures.

   Do you realize that you, and the "self" which is the accumulated image of the years of your life, are two separate things? But the real you is capable of judging that second "self" which your life has molded and shaped. You may even hate that "self" you see as you stand by and watch. But how few have a true picture of it? Your second "self" has a body-image which is no doubt radically different from the figure you see in your mirror. Your second "self" also has a personality-image which is just as different. Most of us dislike a three-way mirror in a dress shop. It shows us from angles we don't often see. But that three-way look can whip us up to do something about our bodies, just as an all around look at our personalities can do.

Page 229

   Many women dress as though they were a svelte twenty-one, when actually they are a well-padded fifty. The same analogy covers our self-image. With the years, we build up these extra images of ourselves and they are powerful. Powerful to blind us to our real needs. If you are a hefty middle-aged woman with an exalted opinion of her own righteousness, God can do no more to correct your personality than a billowy skirt can do to correct your waistline! We must deal with ourselves as we are. That is the way God deals with us.

   If we feel inferior, we react with hostility and anxiety when we meet new people. We are sure they won't like us. If we feel superior, we also react with hostility, since we are quite sure no one will really appreciate our golden selves. Your parents helped form your self-image. The circumstances of your life helped form it. And you, unconsciously, have done your part, too.

   An accepted way to begin to see yourself as you really are is to write down the names of all the persons who have exerted a strong influence on your life. Try to understand why and what. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring circumstances to your mind which have seemingly forced you into your present pattern. He will be right in it with you. He will give you courage to take a direct, unveiled look at you as you are.

   Another excellent method of self-detection is to check yourself under varying circumstances at the end of a day. Ask yourself questions like: Do I always have to be inconspicuous? Do I always have to be conspicuous? Am I comfortable only when I am thought modest? Do I have to see to it that I waste no time? Am I compelled to stay busy? Do I have to feel that everyone likes me? Do I look for sympathy? Do I seek praise for my deeds well done? Do I press for praise when it doesn't come? Do I panic when I serve an

Page 230

inferior dish at dinner before guests? Can I forget unpleasant events, or do I chew them over and over? Can I take constructive criticism? Do I defend myself?

   You may enlarge the list.

   Another way to discover your hidden self is to make a list of your basic assumptions about life. Ideas such as the fact that mothers should always love their children. That women need special protection and care. That illness entitles a person to much sympathy. That people just should not commit social sins. That other persons should act and react according to what you believe to be right. The point is not whether these attitudes are true or false, but checking your own assumptions against them will most likely reveal hostile areas in your hidden nature. You can then bring these hostilities directly to Jesus Christ and together you can work them out. You can follow Jesus Christ in His personal integrity.

   Dr. Samuel Shoemaker wrote: "It is not that we are either great sinners or great saints. It is that we fluctuate and vacillate from one to the other. Integrity consists, in part, of exploding any notion that we are either irremediable sinners, or saints with no need for improvement; and of accepting simply the fact that we are just such vacillating people, always needing the forgiveness and grace of God.

   "Christianity is not a side light shining from the periphery of life; Christianity is a revealed insight from out of the very heart of life itself. Perhaps there is no surer test for our real integrity than what we do with the insights which we discover in Christianity. If we head right into them, and let them reveal ourselves to us, we shall have integrity. If we reject or evade them, we shall have the dividedness of mind which is dishonest at the start, and becomes more neurotic as time goes on."

   If we form the habit of remembering that we cannot get out of the Presence of God, we will be quick to see the false image

Page 231

of ourselves which life has built around us. We may not be entirely to blame for the falseness of this image, but if we know Christ, we are to blame if nothing is done to clear it up. Many, many women are entirely too introspective. This is a subtle form of self-love. But now and then we need to take an honest look at what we think we are. And under the direction of the Holy Spirit and with our Bibles open at some psychologically searching passage such as the Sermon on the Mount or the thirteenth chapter of First Corinthians, take a good clear look. What do you see may sicken you. That's all right. No time need elapse between the look and the repentance and release. Jesus Christ did a complete thing on Calvary. And you not only have the act of Calvary on which to rely, you have the One who hung there right beside you to help you correct what you find.

   Life is too hard to cope with alone. Surely, there is no need to remind you by now, that you will be adequate to face life only if Jesus Christ is in control of your personality.

Chapter Eighteen  ||  Table of Contents