The Difference Christ Makes
In Your Home

If Christ stands in the center of your home, it is a happy home.

   I did not say if you are a Christian, you automatically have a happy home. Many Christians are not Christ-controlled at the center of their personalities. And one Christian in the family is not enough to make a happy home. We are not being realistic when we say that there are no happy non-Christian homes. There are. The cause of Christ does not need rigid concepts to support it. It merely needs Jesus Christ and willing humanity. Most homes are not happy, but any home can be, provided Christianity is actively and consistently practiced in the home. When parents and children are willing to unite around Jesus Christ, then there is harmony. But there is every appearance of harmony in many non-Christian homes in which I have been, simply because the members of the family were united in wanting to make a happy home.

   Most people, however, are too selfish by nature to be willing to make adjustments merely for the sake of home unity. This is where the truly Christian home is realistic. The members of that home are not taking a chance on their own possible unselfishness or merely their desire to be a part of

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a "model family." The truly Christian home does not have to depend on unstable human nature. So that the only really safe way to a happy home is through devotion to the one Person who is attractive enough to draw us all out of our selfish ways. This, of course, is God Himself. The Christian home does not have to risk the good intentions of mere human nature.

   If your home was begun on a Christian basis, you are indeed fortunate. If family devotions have always been a part of your home life, if your children are just as familiar with Jesus Christ as they are with their parents, then you are more than fortunate. You are rare.

   But I am thinking right now of one of the truly happy homes about which I know. This is the home of the Gordon Jaeck's in Wheaton, Illinois. They are close, personal friends of mine. Theirs is not only one of the most tastefully decorated and attractive small homes I have ever seen, it is one of the most peaceful. There are two live wire children, the boy, David, about twelve, and the girl, a young teenager, Julianna. They are not goody-goody youngsters. They are natural, attractive, sociable human beings who act their age. And not long ago, Dorothea Jaeck, their mother, told me that she and Gordon were not vital Christians all their lives. In fact, the loss of a baby nine years ago brought them into an awareness of their need. So David and Julianna have not always lived in a vitally Christian home. And the creative atmosphere in which these charming, altogether attractive people named Jaeck live their daily lives, is a fairly recent thing. And simply discounts the oft-quoted theory that it is impossible to change an entire set of family habits once they have been established.

   A thoroughly Christian home can be established at any time the parents are united in humbling themselves before the Lord and seeking His guidance in everything.

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   I am quite aware that there are women reading these pages who envy Dorothea Jaeck because her husband, Gordon, turned to Christ with her. I know that many women are attempting to establish a Christian atmosphere in their home against opposition from all sides. And yet, I feel it is imperative that we as women examine the facts. If one person is really living Jesus Christ in a family, changes can come. I didn't say, "If one person is attending church regularly and sticking up stubbornly for her beliefs." It all hinges on whether or not you, as a woman, are willing to live Jesus Christ in your home.

   Perhaps right here a brief mention should be made of the necessity for an attractively decorated home. This does not mean expensively decorated. And your taste may be quite different from mine. Here again, no virtue is involved either way. But if you are a messy housekeeper and content with throwing any old colors together, there is deep confusion somewhere in your make-up. And Jesus Christ is not "the author of confusion." It so happens that Dorothea Jaeck's taste and mine are similar. Hers is one of the few homes I have ever seen in which I wouldn't want to change something somewhere! And I admit that for a long time after I became a Christian, because my own mother is a "born" decorator, I judged unkindly the homes which didn't appeal to me aesthetically.

   Now, I have seen more deeply and my own prejudices in decoration (rooted from childhood) have been adjusted by Christ, along with my political prejudices. I wouldn't want an antimacassar on a chair in my living room, but if you like them, I'm only interested in seeing that your antimacassars are clean and well pinned in place!

   The feeling of peace in Dorothea Jaeck's beautifully decorated home is not only because of her flawless color sense. It is because Jesus Christ Himself is in control of her, of her husband

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and of her children. I have spent the night in farmhouses and little prefabricated suburban homes where too many mottoes clashed with too many roses on the walls to which they had been lovingly nailed. But I have felt the same peace and order and security which I feel in the Jaeck home.

   I do believe that women should take advantage of the excellent decorating ideas available in any woman's magazine, but it isn't a woman's taste that makes a home peaceful and creative. It is the woman herself.

   Not long ago I spoke at a women's retreat on the west coast. As a favor to me I asked the women to write down anything they might think would make a helpful addition to this book. One young mother went right to the point and delighted my heart in the process! This is what she wrote: "Before I came to this retreat, I prayed that I would go back to my home to be a better church member, a better women's society member, a better mother, a better wife, a better homemaker. Now, I thank God that He has taken these silly marginal ambitions away! Now I see that all these will come as a result of knowing Christ, as He really is."

   Another woman wrote: "Jesus, with His outstretched arms has revealed to me in this retreat that He wants my attention all day long. I've been a rude hostess to the Lord in my own home! Greeting Him in the morning and again at night. From now on I will talk to Him all day long about everything. I seem sure for the first time that I do have His attention all day long, and it has made me want to give Him mine. From now on He will be the shining ingredient in my home."

   Another wrote: "I want my home to be natural with the naturalness of Christ Himself. I have faced the fact that I am the key to peace in my own home. Without Him I'm not a peaceful person. But with Him I can know peace even during the irritating times."

   Still another wrote: "He has shown me during the days of this

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retreat that Jesus Christ has really experienced all my temptations and does love me in my every mood and circumstance. I have turned my neurotic, self-pitying emotions over to Him to take care of so I won't carry them at home any more."

   These women were facing facts. The fact of their own inadequacy and the fact of Christ Himself. The fact of the great potential in their individual homes if their own personalities are under His loving control.

   They were beginning to see that their own lives were setting the rhythm of their homes. If mother is hectic and harried, so is the home. If mother is a messy housekeeper, so will the son and daughter be messy in their dormitory rooms at college. My associate, Rosalind Rinker, noticed this invariably, during the twelve years in which she worked with college students through Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship. When she visited a student's home, she usually understood the condition of her dormitory room!

   In every chapter of this book, we must remember constantly the content of chapter 1. No one's influence is stronger than a woman's influence under any circumstance.

   If mother is too busy (even with church work) to pay loving attention to the small but "fabulously important" world of her teen-age daughter, then daughter will be too busy for God.

   At a retreat the week following the one in which the women cooperated so lovingly with me on this book, I had an opportunity with girls the age of their daughters! I went directly to a college women's retreat at a Christian college. Here, one girl wrote: "My mother is so busy with civic and church service that she doesn't have time for her own family, and for this reason her love lacks understanding and identification."

   I believe no comment is required here. The girl said it all.

   Much, much is being written about an avidly sought for

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state called "togetherness." It is an admirable ambition. Not only for the home, but for the nation and the world. But to me "togetherness" is merely the description of an idealistic final result of something far deeper.

   It would have done no good whatever for God to have remained on His throne and instructed us to "get together" down here in love. We just don't have the ability. Real love which melts away all human personality and prejudice barriers comes only from God. And it is available to us under all circumstances only when Jesus Christ has come to live His life in us. He brings His love with Him when He comes. We have it to use any time we choose to use it. And humanly speaking, even mothers, whose love capacity is so great, will stand up and argue angrily with their families as hot, futile flames of wounded pride and human ego leap from them to scar the lives of those whom they love so much.

   Without making direct use of this divine love, women who have been prejudiced in their own youth by background and upbringing are not willing to welcome to their homes, in the Name of Jesus Christ, those who "are beneath them" socially. The doors of a Christian home must be kept open! I do not mean to infer that we become spineless, ridiculous "spiritual socialites." Too many Christians waste precious physical and emotional energy in the name of "sweet fellowship." And once this social ball starts rolling, it is as hard to stop as any other. One night a week, at least, should be legislated for family night. Another for husband and wife to be alone together.

   But if someone in need, no matter what his race or state of sobriety or reputation, knocks on the door or rings the telephone on those nights or any other, the doors should not be closed.

   One of my biggest problems is making my Christian friends understand that during the precious few weeks out of the year

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in which I am at home writing a new book, I can't fill my evenings with "sweet fellowship." I'd like to. But I just can't and stay fresh for the next day's work. Everyone needs some time absolutely alone. Our big tendency is to grab a quick look at the date book, and if it happens to have one blank space in the week, to fill it up. We must learn to say "no," except when there is real need. Realizing His unchanging love for me keeps me from turning down anyone who is truly needy. The Holy Spirit will define the difference for us, between real need and someone wanting to be pampered. We can depend upon Him for this. But on the whole, our homes and our hearts must be kept open.

   I know a Christian businessman who led a Negro porter to the Lord on a train. But he called me to help him find some Christian homes where the porter would be welcome. This man's wife wouldn't invite him to her house! (And the good woman was a great tither and a great tract passer, too.)

   Are you one of those who are still innocently in the dark on playing God with the new believer or non-believer who happens to be still smoking? Do you have an ash tray conveniently located, even though no one in your family smokes? Or do you take foolish pride in the fact that there isn't an ash tray in your house? Think it through. If a man or woman doesn't mind smoking before God, who are you to say he or she can't smoke before you? This isn't witnessing. It is refusing to believe that the person who offends you doesn't need a better knowledge of God in order to change. It is saying that he or she should quit because you think so. It is minimizing the Cross of Jesus Christ, and the Lord Himself had a lot to say about Pharisaism. [Webmaster's note: we know today that smoking is very dangerous to everyone's health and that's a good reason not to tolerate it in our homes or churches, etc.]

   I know another "righteous" soul who is forever trying to "work with" alcoholics. Things never seem to work out right, however, because she stands guard over her front door and

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refuses to let them come in to talk if they have a bottle in their pocket. She makes them leave it on the front porch or pour it down the sink. If this person hasn't had his old patterns broken by the Holy Spirit yet, this dear soul certainly isn't going to break them by breaking the bottle. She is just wasting money. Because most likely he will go right out her front door and buy another bottle.

   "Togetherness" must not stop with members of the family. It must include all who come to your home. No matter who they are or what they are like. And humanly speaking, this is not possible. From a human standpoint some of us will always cringe at certain things. God never cringes. Not even at our pitiable, blind, self-righteousness. And if there is to be "togetherness" in your home, there must first be identification.

   We must do what God did. We must "get in it" with them. I hope no one is fuzzy-minded enough to think I am suggesting that you must take a drink with an alcoholic. But you must, through the power of the Holy Spirit, so identify yourself with that person that you will no longer expect him to be like you overnight! This way your heart will involve his heart. As God's heart involved your heart on Calvary. This way, your appeal to the person in God's behalf will be seasoned with love, not only with cold doctrine, even if it includes verse and chapter.

   God did not stay on His remote throne. He came down and became "like unto his brethren." He identified.

   Thus women must do with all guests in their home. Women must do with the members of their families. This is the Spirit of Christ. If He controls your life, identification will become a part of your personality because it is so much a part of His.

Chapter Ten  ||  Table of Contents